Montana Jokes

Did you hear about the Montana moron who went looking for a gas leak with a safety match?

Two guys are walking through a field in Montana when they stumble across a well. The men look down the well and notice it is so deep, they can't see the bottom. One guys says to the other, "throw a stick into it, see how deep the well is." So the man finds a stick, tosses it in the well, the men wait for the splash...nothing. No sound. Curious to know how deep the well is, the guys start looking for something heavier to throw. The first guy remembers seeing an antelope carcass, so they drag it …

Montana Grizzly Bear Notice In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field. We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle the bears that aren't expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to…

Coming out of retirement A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read -- "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so …

Lewis and Clark Lewis and Clark were walking through Montana when they met an Indian scout who offered to help them hunt buffalo. The scout took them out in the morning and put his ear to the ground. After a while, he said "Buffalo come." Lewis asked the scout, "How do you know?" The scout said, "Face sticky."

A man went into the Job Center in Denver and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he asked the clerk for details. The clerk pulled up the file and read: "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. The annual…

Czech Lawyer A lawyer and his Czech friend were camping in a backwoods section of Montana. One morning, the two went out to pick berries for their breakfast. They went gathering berries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears, a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got …

An FBI agent tells a Montana rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.' The old rancher says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.' The agent turns and quickly s in the face of the rancher: 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the farmer. 'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked or a…

Montana Grizzly Bear Notice In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear encounters

Cowboy in Montana A Montana cowboy was watching his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

Eskimo's car breaks down in Montana. NSFW Mechanic looks it over and says

An FBI agent tells a Montana rancher 'I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.' The old rancher says

Czech Lawyer A lawyer and his Czech friend were camping in a backwoods section of Montana. One morning

A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls Montana...

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his land A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

Lewis and Clark Lewis and Clark were walking through Montana when they met an Indian scout who offered to help them hunt buffalo.

An old mountain man from Montana and his pretty young wife were locked in a bitter divorce case, the principal bone of contention being who should have custody of the children. She maintained that because she had brought the children into the world, she ought to be granted custody. The judge listened patiently to her argument and then asked the old man why he thought he should be awarded custody of the kids. Slowly the old man rose to his feet, thought for a moment and, addressing the judge, sai…