Czech Lawyer A lawyer and his Czech friend were camping in a backwoods section of Montana. One morning, the two went out to pick berries for their breakfast. They went gathering berries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears, a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got …

An old mountain man from Montana and his pretty young wife were locked in a bitter divorce case, the principal bone of contention being who should have custody of the children. She maintained that because she had brought the children into the world, she ought to be granted custody. The judge listened patiently to her argument and then asked the old man why he thought he should be awarded custody of the kids. Slowly the old man rose to his feet, thought for a moment and, addressing the judge, sai…

Me: Define Illegal Cop: You're drunk, riding a horse, shooting a gun and yelling 'For Narnia' Me: I want my lawyer.

Fired from my court room sketch artist job, for putting thought bubbles on people's heads saying "The court room sketch artist is so hunky."