Monica Jokes

Hillary Clinton sucks! No she doesn't, because if she did Bill wouldn't have Monica.

Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners, the guy is a little old and hard of hearing. Monica says "i need to get this dress cleaned, no starch, use the same hanger." The dry cleaner responds "come again?" Monica says "nope, this time it's mustard."

Obama died joke One day in the future, Barrack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Ob…

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed...." When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew wh…

The orange man in hell Some time in the future Donald J Trump has moved on and like most presidents finds himself in Hell. The Devil greets him, and said he can choose his torment for all eternity. He takes him to a room, and there is Gerald Ford, he is smashing rocks with a hammer. Each time he reduces a boulder to pebbles, another boulder is before him Trump says, “I don’t think I can do this forever, I have a bad shoulder”. The Devil takes him to the next room. There, Richard Nixon …

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US leader.

What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? About one U.S Leader.

Cheer up Hilary! At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.

Bill Clinton says ""Hey Monica you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?.......

What was Monica Lewinsky's job at the White House? Receiving heads of state.

Bill Clinton says "Hey Monica, you want to see the clock in the Oval Office?....... She says "sure"... and goes in there. Bill Clinton unzips his pants and pulls out his little Billy. Monica says "That's not a clock". To which Bill replies "It is if you put two hands and a face on it".

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and were in a fatal car crash, who survives?","Bill and Monica ooops I mean Melania!

Monica Lewinsky's favorite Green Bay Packer? Clinton-Dix

What is the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? 1 US Leader.

What's white, located in washington and has a president within it? Monica Lewinsky's teeth.

What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US Leader

What would be funny about Hillary as president? That she would be sitting at the desk that Monica once kneeled under!

Why did Chandler play the blues as loud as he could? He wanted to harm monica.

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton and were in a fatal car crash, who survives? Bill and Monica, ooops I mean Melania!

What do Hillary and Monica have in common? They both blew it.

What did Monica say to Hillary before Election Day? Don't blow it

A man walked into a shoe shop and asked for a pair of shoes, size eight. The sales assistant said: "Are you sure, sir? You look like a size twelve to me." "Just bring me a size eight," insisted the customer. So the assistant fetched a pair of size eight shoes, and the man squeezed his feet into them with obvious discomfort. He then stood up in the shoes, but with considerable pain. "Are you absolutely sure you want these shoes?" repeated the assistant. "Listen," said the man. "I've lost my house…

I went into our local music shop the other day and bought an expensive mouth organ. The shop assistant commented, “Do you know, we haven't sold any of these for months, and this is the second one I have sold today.” “Oh” I replied, “That would have been our Monica!”