A man walked into a shoe shop and asked for a pair of shoes, size eight. The sales assistant said: "Are you sure, sir? You look like a size twelve to me." "Just bring me a size eight," insisted the customer. So the assistant fetched a pair of size eight shoes, and the man squeezed his feet into them with obvious discomfort. He then stood up in the shoes, but with considerable pain. "Are you absolutely sure you want these shoes?" repeated the assistant. "Listen," said the man. "I've lost my house to the bank, I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend and my son just told me he's gay. The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off!" I like what mechanics wear, overall. Stewart Francis Euphemisms for "Your Flies Are Open" The cucumber has left the salad. I can see the gun of Navarone. The beast is asleep, but the gate is open. You've got Windows in your laptop. Your soldier isn't so unknown now. Paging Mr Johnson . . . Paging Mr Johnson . . . Elvis Junior has left the building. The Buick is not all the way in the garage. I thought you were crazy; now I see your nuts. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. You've got your fly set for Monica instead of Hillary. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave. The designers of jeans are always looking at the bottom line.