The Genie and the Demon Three men are out walking in the woods one day, when they stumble upon an old bronze lamp. Naturally, having spent much of their lives reading internet jokes, their first inclination is to rub the lamp and excitedly greet the genie that emerges. ""You have freed me from my near-eternal captivity!"" the genie booms. ""As my rescuers, you are entitled to one wish each."" The first man excitedly blurts out, ""I wish for a billion--"" ""Now hold on just a minute!"" the genie …

10. ""Clocks are five hours fast"" 9. ""Everybody's speaking some crazy foreign language"" 8. ""Harry Potter won't return phone calls"" 7. ""So touchy about minor things...like going to war under false pretenses"" 6. ""They don't know where Saddam is either"" 5. ""Queen Elizabeth not half as funny as 'King of Queens'"" 4. ""Disappointed to learn 'Big Ben' is just a giant clock"" 3. ""Pack a gum costs 2 pounds -- who carries two pounds of money?!"" 2. ""I've been here for 36 hours and Prince Char…

The army is developing a new ruggedised, military-spec, super-capable AI to help with everything from strategy to battlefield decision-making to ordering paperclips... Development costs $38bn, and runs $15bn over budget and 7 years late. But eventually the contractors say it is finished and a big handover ceremony is organised. At the ceremony the head of the army, General McConkers, decides he is going to test the AI for himself, to make sure it works. After the curtain has been drawn and the …

Dolphin Trainer An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive European sports car… Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man. He yells, "Look what you did to my car…!!!” "You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!" "Oh my…" the old man said nervously, "I don't have that kind of money.” “Let me call my son…,” he said with hope, “he trains dolphins and he will know what to do." "Dolphins..!?!?!" the other driver huffed, whi…