Monica Lewinsky Jokes

Love Handles One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out. "Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have released me, I will grant you one wish." "Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while, and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love ha…

Monica Lewinsky walks into a cleaners.... with a dress and yells at the old owner who is hard of hearing "I need to dry clean my dress" The owner cups his hand next to his ear "come again" "No it's ketchup this time"

As USA gets closer to the 2016 election year, US citizens must remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs. The last time Hilary had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky... And Monica blew it.

Giving the devil his due One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Obama…

Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners, the guy is a little old and hard of hearing. Monica says "i need to get this dress cleaned, no starch, use the same hanger." The dry cleaner responds "come again?" Monica says "nope, this time it's mustard."

Obama died joke One day in the future, Barrack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Ob…

It was the first day of a school in USA and a... ...and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'' Again, no response excep…

Monica Lewinsky will be voting for Trump As the last Clinton in office left a bad taste in her mouth...

The orange man in hell Some time in the future Donald J Trump has moved on and like most presidents finds himself in Hell. The Devil greets him, and said he can choose his torment for all eternity. He takes him to a room, and there is Gerald Ford, he is smashing rocks with a hammer. Each time he reduces a boulder to pebbles, another boulder is before him Trump says, “I don’t think I can do this forever, I have a bad shoulder”. The Devil takes him to the next room. There, Richard Nixon …

Monica Lewinsky takes a dress to her dry cleaner. ""Do you think you'll be able to get the stain out?"" she asks.

What do you call a person who kneels after the President makes inappropriate comments? Monica Lewinsky

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common? Both say ""insert bill here""

Monica Lewinsky said it 20 years ago and she said it again this year Hillary Clinton wasn't the right person for the job.

Why isnt Monica Lewinsky voting for Hillary? The last Clinton left a bad taste in her mouth.

Monica Lewinsky isn't voting for Hillary. The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common? They both say ""Insert Bill Here"

Monica Lewinsky was recently offered a new position at a prestigious boarding school. Headmaster.

I really thought Monica Lewinsky should be on a dollar.. but she's already had her face on a Bill.

Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaners

Monica Lewinsky is going to vote for Bernie The last time a Clinton was in office it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency: "I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

Is Monica Lewinsky good at the piano?,"I don't know about the piano but she sucks at the organ.

What does Monica Lewinsky say to call her dog over?,"""Come spot!""

Is Monica Lewinsky good at the piano? I don't know about the piano, but she sucks at the organ.

What do the Green Bay Packers and Monica Lewinsky have in common? They both like Clinton-Dix