Jake Jokes

Cheerios An average Cheerio box has three levels. At the top is the realm of the complete, perfect Cheerios. These Cheerios live a life of luxury, with as much food and drink as they want, and little work to do. The second level of the box, the middle layer, is occupied by the imperfect but still mostly whole. These Cheerios have to work to survive, but life is manageable. The lowest level is occupied by the broken, destroyed fragments of Cheerios, that small children refuse to eat, and it is t…

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland. When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip. The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity." "Oh, my," said the father. What have I done?" He decided to go ask his old friend Jacob what to do. Jake said, "Funny you should ask. I too sent my son to Israel, and he a…

Three Amish ladies are in a field picking potatoes Their husbands names are Jake, Jacob and Jakey. They would always get confused. So one day they decided to nickname them. Mabel said "lets name them after soda pop", the other two said "what do you mean?". Mabel said she would go first and said " I'll call my Jacob 7-Up because he has 7 inches and its always up". Oh the other two loved this idea. So Ella went next and said "I'll call my Jake Mountain Dew because he takes me to the mountain and …

Jake was on his deathbed His wife, Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Susan," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Don't talk." He was insistent. "Susan," he said in his tired voice. "I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan. "Everything's all right, go to sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and …

A traffic policeman stops some boys on a bike. "Hey, why are there three of you riding a single bike at once? Don't you know it's illegal?" "Three?! Holy shit, guys, did Jake fall off somewhere??"

Jake and Dave on a camping trip (NSFW!) Jake and Dave were on a camping trip. On the last day of their trip

Jake goes to an auction and bids the highest on Dave's painting of a Horse eating grass. The painting is to be delivered to Jake's house by next day.

In a neighbourhood there were two little brothers Jim and Jake...

I'm Black. So I can't be racist. But these suckers keep telling me that I am. ""Jake

Jake was on his deathbed His wife

Three Amish ladies are in a field picking potatoes Their husbands names are Jake

Jake is driving in the desert... And he's driving wildly. He's doing tons of doughnuts to pass the time. Suddenly

A Fancy Watch Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks up to him and asks ""Have you got the time?"

Why did the chicken cross the road? To push Jake off a cliff.... he really hates Jake.

Teacher: “Jake, how is it you never join in the discussions?” Jake: “I learn more by listening. Anything I would say, I already know!”

Paul called his friend Jake and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? Jake, “Send her some flowers and on the card invite her for a home-cooked meal.” Paul liked the idea, so he invited the woman. The day after the meal Jake calls Paul and asks about the meal. Paul, “It was a flop idea.” Jake, “Didn’t the girl come to your house?” Paul, “She did, but she refused to cook!”

Jake and Paul get into a double-decker bus. Jake somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunately, Paul got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Jake went upstairs to see friend Paul. He met Paul in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, “Paul! What the hell going on? Why are you so scared? I was enjoying my ride down there? Scared Paul replies, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver.”

Frank: “Beauty is not based on how you look, Beauty is not based on how you speak, Beauty is not based on your color, But beauty is based on your inner self.” Jake: “Yes. Very true. But why are you telling me all these?” Frank: “Please change your inner-wear daily without fail!”

Jake: “My father always whistles as he works.” Jason: “He must be a happy fellow.” Jake: “No, he is a traffic policeman!”

Jake was writing something very slowly. Jack asked: “Why are you writing so slowly?” Jake: “I'm writing to my 6 year old son, he can't read very fast!”

Jake enters a store that sells curtains. He tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.” He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains he needed. Jake replies, “Fifteen inches.” “Fifteen inches?” asked the salesman. “That sounds very small, what room are they for?” Jake tells him that they aren’t for a room, they are for his computer monitor. The surpr…