The dogfood diet (don't know the source, my dad sent me this he prob heard it on the radio) Yesterday I was at my local Publix buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think...I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I…

A traffic policeman stops some boys on a bike. "Hey, why are there three of you riding a single bike at once? Don't you know it's illegal?" "Three?! Holy shit, guys, did Jake fall off somewhere??"

Jake and Paul get into a double-decker bus. Jake somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunately, Paul got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Jake went upstairs to see friend Paul. He met Paul in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, “Paul! What the hell going on? Why are you so scared? I was enjoying my ride down there? Scared Paul replies, “Yeah, but you’ve got a driver.”

Jake: “My father always whistles as he works.” Jason: “He must be a happy fellow.” Jake: “No, he is a traffic policeman!”