Facebook Jokes

At this point, I'm positive I've read the entire Bible via Facebook status updates. *crosses off bucket list*

Tweets a cocaine joke gets 120 favorites & a trophy Post a cocaine joke on Facebook & gets 170 "we are praying for you" & an intervention.

Jesus: saw that facebook event "last supper"... looks good but whys it called the "last supper" ? Judas: oh.. No reason really

When my mom first saw my Facebook she was offended it said I was "interested in men" I think because she thought that was a list of hobbies

I had to delete Facebook because I liked too many pictures of dogs yesterday and now the newsfeed algorithm thinks I care about those people

Meanwhile on Facebook, Susan is doing a quiz, to find out what kind of sea monster, her Ex is.

*Makes joke on Twitter* *5 Retweets* *Makes same joke on Facebook* *5 comments from aunts saying that the joke was inappropriate*

Facebook: Hey remember this pic of your dog that died? Me: Damnit Facebook not now. FB: Sorry... FB: Your ex girlfriend is getting married.

it's fun to yell CHEESE! at a group of girls and watch them switch to their Facebook Poses

Facebook made billions by saying "Hey, remember that kid you haven't seen since the third grade? He's a parent who hates Obama now."

You're an adult now. Stop lying about your life on Facebook and start doing it on LinkedIn

And then the Lord said unto thee "any social media site besides Facebook asking for prayers shall go unanswered." Matthew 4:23

Experts are close to classifying internet addiction as a mental illness. They just need to check one more thing. And Facebook. And Twitter.

Facebook is the only place where it's acceptable to talk to a wall.

I thought toddlers were the most energetic, obsessive, and relentless people on earth. And then someone got mad at me on Facebook.

There is no bond greater than the mutual respect of two former high school friends who refuse to friend each other on Facebook.

*Goes back in time to kill the inventors of Twitter. Returns home to amaze friends on Facebook with endless jokes about vodka & pizza.*

If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.

*goes on Facebook AGAIN* *reads 100,000th idiotic post* *thinks other people are stupid*

Just checked FaceBook.. Apparently there are only 4 more days till the weekend.. I'll keep you posted if anything changes guys

Saw an article on Facebook that a local bank was robbed. It had one like. They should probably look at that person as the robbery suspect.

Facebook is developing a phone. And MySpace is working on a telegram

Facebook has a link to "Report a Problem" so I wrote "I'm not very close with my father." Now we wait I guess

If you have your Twitter account linked to Facebook I don't think you understand what it is we do here.

"I have to inform you that you're sitting in an exit row and are legally required to take a photo of the plane wing and post it on Facebook"