Clay Jokes

"50 Shades of Clay: The Aiken Story" might've been worse.

don't smoke pots because they are made of clay and can burn your tongue

Apparently when your wife says "let's make a baby," she doesn't mean assemble an infant from clay and chant The Old Words inside a pentagram

I've got washboard abs. As soon as I can find someone with clay-jug abs and someone with jews-harp abs, we can get started on our old-timey-hobo-band abs.

The 3 year old and the beggar The beggar knocked on the door . A 3 year old boy came and opened the door for him. The beggar asked if he could have a glass of water. The 3 year old boy said , ""wait"" and then he went and got the water with the yogurt pot. ( you have to know , the place where I Iive sells yogurt with the a big sort of clay pot , that pot easily can enough for 4 people) . The beggar was so happy and he drunk all the water inside the yogurt pot at once then he said thanks to the b…

I made a ceramic sculpture of Mohammed Ali but it exploded in the kiln. It was gaseous clay

What did Clint Eastwood say before firing up the ceramic bowl he made in pottery class? Go ahead, bake my clay. *walks away slowly*

Scientists Watson and Crick take a break from their research... The scientists Watson and Crick take a break from their research and take a vacation on their friend's farm. On their first day there, Watson and Crick take a walk around the farm. First, they notice pigs oinking like crazy when they realize the truck that takes them to market has pulled up. Next, they spot a sculpting material made of fine sediment that has just been delivered by the mailman. As they are focused on that, Watson acc…

A Ferdinand Feghoot ""shaggy dog"" story Ferdinand Feghoot was a character used by Science Fiction author, Spider Robinson. He was the cause of a large number of groaners. Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion but he always rose to the challenge. He conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History) recruits all from late twentieth-century Terra on a training study of Carter's World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to suppo…

Federer vs. Nadal Goodmonson: Seventeen Grand Slams. You can't argue with that. Federer's the greatest of all time. Harry Harryman: You can't be the greatest if you always lose to the guy who's supposed to be the second greatest. Federer's great but Nadal is the greatest. Steve Bytheway: There's an easy way to settle this debate. Nadal likes clay while Federer likes grass, right? Harry Harryman: Yes. Steve Bytheway: So who's the goat?

A disgruntled animator for Wallace and Gromit quit his job... A disgruntled animator for Wallace and Gromit quit his job. He took people away from the company with him and decided to protest the terrible treatment and wasteful use of the clay the company used. He taught principles of peaceful protests and even wrote a list of points against the company for his followers to use as reasoning for their strike. When he heard that a group of his supporters had been arrested for disruptive behavior at…

What do you call Muhammad Ali after he eats lots of beans? Gaseous Clay

I know this Ethiopian family who are so poor they had to eat clay to survive. Afterwards they were all shitting bricks.

A sculptor, a civil engineer and a computer scientist were arguing about the primacy of their professions. ""God created man out of clay,"" said the sculptor, ""and so was clearly a sculptor."" ""Before that,"" said the engineer, ""He separated earth and waters from the chaos -- an immense feat of civil engineering. God was an engineer first."" ""And how do you think,"" answered the computer scientist, ""the chaos was made?""

What kind of modeling clay does a dog use? Fi-Do!

Did somebody say limerick? (NSFW) There once was a man from Bombay Who fashioned a cunt out of clay But the heat of his prick Turned it into a brick And it chafed all his foreskin away. ________________________ (Can't take credit for that - I read it in a John Irving novel. *The Cider House Rules*, I believe.)

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada... And he's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, *stunningly* beautiful alley he's ever come across. It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love, and he's a lover of old streets. The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture. His feet feel…

I've been sneaking clay, sand and mortar into my housemate's food... When they find out they'll shit bricks.

What Did Dirty Harry say to his pottery class teacher? Go ahead, bake my clay.

A police officer sees a kid who plays with clay. The police asks the kid: ''What are you doing?''

I have a rare condition where I'm compelled to eat clay. I've been shitting bricks all week.

I've been sneaking clay sand and mortar into my housemate's food...

What do you call a knight made out of clay? Sir Amick

What did they call Muhammad Ali when he got the farts? Gassius Clay

What do you call a boxer with an upset stomach? Gaseous Clay