Chuck Norris Jokes

When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once flushed a condom Three weeks later the ninja turtles were born

Chuck Norris and Superman fought each other on a bet. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants. (Submitted at the request of my 10 year-old son.)

Chuck Norris VS Superman Chuck Norris and Superman once agreed to a fight, the loser had to wear their underwear on the outside of their pants.

Chuck Norris... ..was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands

Chuck Norris won an award today Kanye West sat politely in his seat.

Chuck Norris Never get tired of Chuck Norris facts, I would say jokes but I might wake up to a roundhouse to the face... 1. When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital. 2. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. 3. Michael Jackson could do the Moonwalk on Earth, but Chuck Norris can do the Earthwalk on the moon. 4. Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon or an apple. 5. Human blood types are usually 0+, A+, o…

When Martin Cooper invened the cell phone... ... he already got 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris farted once. He did it in the Sahara forest.

Chuck, Jean Claude and Arnold. Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, ""If you were a musician, who would you be?"". Chuck Norris said, ""I would be Motzart."" Jean Claud VanDam said, ""I would be Bethoven."" Arnold said, ""I'll be Bach!""

Chuck Norris doesn't swim, water just likes to be around him

Chuck Norris got bored of life, so he invented Ebola.

Give me your best Chuck Norris joke. ^

A man gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts: ""Is there a doctor here?"" A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: ""I am. What is the problem?"" He replies: ""I am Chuck Norris, and I am going to beat the shit out of the terrorist next to me!""

Word of advice: dont bother buying toilet paper marketed under the name of Chuck Norris... It's rough, tough, and doesn't take shit from anyone.

TIL people STILL tell Chuck Norris Jokes! And that when Alexander Bell first invented the phone, he found 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris.

When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone... he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris

A bullet hit chuck norris yesterday Today is the bullet's funeral

So I wrote some Chuck Norris jokes the other day... The devil once sold his soul to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris doesn't speak, he thinks loudly. New Orleans didn't flood because of a hurricane. Chuck Norris did a canon ball into the Gulf of Mexico. Chuck Norris once punched the Tower of Pisa. Chuck Norris doesn't fart, because nothing can escape Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris goes skydiving, the Earth uses a parachute. When Chuck Norris takes a shower, the soap doesn't clean him. He cleans the s…

So archaeologists found another Dead Sea Scroll... They opened it up, and read: GENESIS 1:0 ""Before the beginning, there was Chuck Norris. And Chuck Norris said, 'Let there be God.'""

Oil Pipeline from Canada to Mexico. Democrats tell the Republicans they want to build a highway from the Canadian border in North Dakota to Mexican border in Texas. Republicans get angry telling them the only reason they want to build the highway is so they can use it as an excuse not to build a pipeline. Democrats say they have enough votes to push it down the Repubs throat. The Texas Senator says at least let us save some of our honor. Allow us to name the highway after a great Texan so that w…

What's the best Russian Reversal joke you know? A few of my favourites.... * In Soviet Russia, Google searches you * In Soviet Russia, sentence finishes you * In America, you drive car. In Soviet Russia, car drives you * In Soviet Russia, lazy dog jumps over quick brown fox * In Soviet Russia, fetus aborts you. * Roses are red, Violets are blue, In Soviet Russia, Poems write YOU * in soviet Russia, chuck Norris still kills you

Chuck Norris farted once. He did this in the Sahara Rain Forest.

Chuck Norris is a creative kind of guy... Chuck Norris is a creative kind of guy, the last time he farted it was quite a big deal. Scientifically speaking, they call it the big bang.

Chuck Norris does not eat honey, he eats bees.