Chuck Norris Jokes

Luke Skywalker uses the Force. The Force uses Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

Chuck Norris doesn't count his chicken before they hatch. He cracks them and eats them.

Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.

What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be ""Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division"".

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

The moment were you dont capitalize CHUCK NORRIS is the moment when chuck norris decides that your dieing at that very moment.... But this is only possible if you havent pissed CHUCK NORRIS off already... Because you would already be dead.

Chuck Norris was orginally casted as the main character for salt but then they changed it to Angelia Jolie, look at her face now.

TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.

Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

Martin Luther King may have had a dream, but Chuck Norris had a body count.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas and you will still die.

have you ever wondered why stephen hawkins is in a wheelchair it's because he was getting smart with Chuck Norris

It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage

Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.

For every movie about Vietnam starring Chuck Norris, the historical duration of the war decreases. Just 3 more ""Missing in Action"" sequels, and that war will have never actually existed.

Chuck Norris uses beer coasters as shurikens.

Chuck Norris did that to Michael Jackson's face.

How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before? He has claw marks on his forehead.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.