Alaska Jokes

My friend said I should move to Alaska... ..He said it's pretty cool there.

Bad joke I made up Where do black people stay when they visit Alaska? A nigloo

I found my old joke book I wrote when I was 10. So a guy tripping on LSD and is starving in Alaska, and begins walking aimlessly into the frozen desert until he meets a waiters. Guy: what do you have to eat waiters: We have ice ice and ice Guy: how is the ice prepared waiters:it is frosen and placed on a plate guy:what about water got any waiters:yes the ice water frozen solid and comes with aside of icicles guy:this suck waiters:then stop likin my igloo guy: no, you can't make me do anything. w…

Breakfast up north I went to Denny's while up in Alaska one year and ordered the eggs Benedict. To my surprise the waitress brought them to me on a hubcap. Puzzled, I asked why they were served this way and she told me ""there's Nome place like chrome for the hollandaise.""

Tearful Bride A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs, ""Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."" ""Now, now,"" her mother comforted, ""I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."" ""No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"" ""Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!"" says her mom. ""Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."" ""No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airpl…

My roommate just told me he tried to walk to Russia from Alaska. He pulled up short because he couldn't get his Bering Strait.

DRUNK ICE FISHING IN ALASKA A drunk Alaskan decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, but just then a booming voice says, ""You will find no fish there."" The drunk ignores it and continues sawing. The voice repeats, ""You will find no fish under the ice."" The drunk looks up and says, ""God, is that you?"" The voice says, ""No, I'm the manager of this ice rink.""

A blonde, brunette, and redhead get together for lunch in NYC. Three long-time friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead get together over lunch at a New York City deli. Since they haven't seen each other for a while, the brunette says to the redhead ""So you went to Alaska last month, right? What did you while you were there?"" The redhead replies ""Iditarod"". Surprised, the blonde looks up from her menu, and says ""Why'd you go all the way to Alaska just for that? Yankee stadium is right o…

A man was preparing for his first solo flight over the wilds of Alaska..... And during the pre-flight check, he pulled out the emergency kit and opened it. Inside he found just a single deck of cards and nothing else. Turning to the old grizzled flying vet, he asks ""Hey bud, sorry to seem concerned but why does the emergency kit only contain a deck of cards?"" The vet laugh heartily at the question. He answers ""That's all you'll ever need here in the wild!"" Confused and growing concerned, the…

Juneau the capital of Alaska?

My mate went to Alaska and fell in love with both a male and female bear... He's Bipolar..

Sarah Palin went Moose Hunting. It was a cold day in B.F.E, Alaska and Sarah Palin decided it was a perfect day to go moose hunting. The snow was fresh, making it easy to track the giant beasts if she were to be lucky enough to see one. She loaded up her snowmobile early in the morning, just before the sun rose. A couple miles into the trip, her snowmobile sputtered to a halt. Trying everything she could to get it going again, with zero luck and no cell phone reception, she gave up and decided t…

If Mississippi wore a New Jersey, what did Delaware? I dunno, Alaska.

Wife comparing me to a Polar bear staying warm Kc: omg feel like i'm married to A polar bear Sam: so go to Alaska marry a polar bear but divorce first but let me get ya pension first Kc: lolz sorry but that's how you act Sam: so tonight go outside and go sleep with the polar bear too Kc: I'm use to fury pink keeping me warm in that cold weather Will: lmao how you know it's pink? Kc: cause I seen it when I slept with your sister the first time.

What would you call a Russian invasion of Alaska? Ice [Krim](http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D0%9A%D1%80%D1%8B%D0%BC)

Can Mississippi wear Delaware's New Jersey? I don't know but Alaska.

Dad, I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in India and he lives in Alaska. We met on a dating website, became friends on facebook, had long chats on whatsapp, he proposed to me on skype, and now we've had 2 months of relationship through viber. I need your blessings and good wishes daddy .................. Dad said: Wow! Really!! then get married on twitter, have fun on tango. Buy your kids on e-bay, receive them thru gmail. And if you are fed up with your husband.... sell him on…

Difference between Ravens and Crows I work in a gift-shop up in southeast Alaska. Our store is right under a tree that houses a family of angry crows. Tourists often ask me how I can tell the difference between ravens and crows. I tell them this: ""All birds have specialized tail feathers that help with flight in Alaska's thin, cold air. These feathers are called pinions. If you look closely you can tell that ravens have four of these feathers while crows only have three. I guess you could say i…

What Did Delaware? -She wore her New Jersey! Why did California? -She called to ask Hawaii. Where did Chicago? -The same place Oregon Where has Oregon? I don't know but Alaska. She said she went to pay her Texas. What did Missisip? She sipped a Minnesota. What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas How did Wisconsin? He robbed an Oklahoma using a Kentucky. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NztfOSyCCFM

A man went hunting in Alaska. A man was hunting in Alaska when he found himself confronted by a small, agitated bear. In order to survive, he shot it. Feeling hungry, he decided to utilize it and cook dinner in the woods. It was tasty, even though it was a little grizzly.

It gets cold in Alaska during the winter. Juneau what I mean?

The Czechoslovakian and the German A Czech and a German entered into a contest. The point of the contest was to guess the right 7 numbers and win an all expense paid trip to Alaska to hunt a grizzly bear. The contest ended and it turns out the two men guessed the same winning numbers, so both got to go on the hunt. After arriving in the camp and getting settled they decide to head out tomorrow with the guide to hunt the mighty bear. But the next day the guide is feeling under the weather so the …

I remember last summer at the beach. All the humiliation of being a 97 pound weakling. The big guys kicking sand in my face, My girlfriend dissing me to take off with some bronzed, muscular jock. So I moved to Alaska. Now I'm a Husky fcuker

One Eskimo said to the other, ""Where is your mother from?"" The second Eskimo says ""Alaska.""

What do you call a camel in Alaska? Lost.