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Aging Jokes

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Hans Christian Andersen Gerda goes out to look for missing Kai. She travels far and wide. Until she finally finds him in the Snow Queen's ice palace. Kai is sqatting and putting something together. ""Kai, come back home, our grandmother is waiting"" ""Do not bother me, I am spelling a word"" ""Kai, come back home, the sun is warm and the birds are singing"" ""Leave me alone. If I spell a word, the Snow Queen is going to give me a new pair of ice skates"" ""Kai come with me please, the roses in o

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Mafioso An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson to his bed. ""Grandson I wanna you lisin to me. I wanna for you to take my chromeplated 38... revolver so you will always remember me."" ""But Grandpa I really don't like guns so how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead."" ""You lisina to me, soma day you goin a be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambino. Soma day you goina coma home and maybe finda you

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An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he woul

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Bible Confusion The little girl was sitting with her grandmother, who had presented her with her first little children's Bible, in an easy-to-read translation, when she was very young. Now, a decade or so later, the elderly lady was ready to spend a few sweet moments handing down the big old family Bible, in the time-honored King James Version, to her only grandchild. Understandably excited, the youngster was asking a number of questions, both about the family members whose births and deaths w

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The shop assistant The bakery owner hires a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant & at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. ""I'd like some raisin bread please,"" the man says. The shop assistant nods & climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the very top shelf. The man s

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So a man had sent his last daughter off to college... Since his wife had passed away some years before, and he was retired, he was lonely. One day someone told him about Internet Chat services. He created a screen name, Blue_Knight, and started chatting with anonymous people all over the world. One bright spot in his day came in the evening, when Blue_Butterfly would sign on. They started chatting every day, and discovered that they had an amazing amount in common. Each one found that they could

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Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking. Lady 1: What's that? Lady 2: A condom. This way the Camel doesn't get wet. Lady 1: Oh thats very smart, where did you get that? Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore. The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy,

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Three close friends were getting on in their years. They had done all sorts of crazy things over their decades together - alligator wrestling, running with the bulls, base jumping... you name it, they've been through it. At this point in their lives, each of their respective families has decided to put them into nursing homes. Seeing as how they won't have any more opportunity, they decide to have one last crazy evening, and play Russian roulette. The first friend brings the loaded gun, and anno

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An old man with a lisp and his grandson go to a car dealership... So a few years back an old man goes to a car dealership my dad works at. My dad and his boss greet the man out front and when the old man started to explain what's wrong with his car they couldn't understand a single word due to his lisp. So my father and his boss are confused and they look to the old man's grandson who then tries to translate for his grandfather, but he also had a lisp. The boss looks at my dad and my dad looks a

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