Africa Jokes

How many seconds are there in a day in Africa? Seconds? They barely get firsts!

What's the advantage of being black in Africa vs black in America? Nobody can point at your shoes and say "What are thoooooooooose?!"

Why can't black people swim? Because there is no water in Africa.

Why is there no gambling in Africa? Too many cheetahs.

Why shouldn't you gamble in Africa? Too many cheetahs..

Why is China so politically in bed with Africa? Because China is the biggest coal burner in the world

I wonder if poor kids in Africa dream of a white christmas? Like spending time with your whole family, getting tons of Xboxes and play stations. Heaping servings of food, etc.

Did you hear about the guy who said there were no rivers in Africa? He was in de-Nile.

Why is it considered socially wrong to make fun of a crying 10-year old boy in Africa? Because it's normal to undergo a midlife crisis.

What do you call 100 black people on a plane to Africa? A good start.

Why don't they have Oktoberfest in Africa? Because nobody there is much of a drinker.

How do parents in Africa celebrate their kid's first birthday? They bring flowers to his grave.

Why did the toy company stop donating toys to kids in Africa? Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.

Why was the baby in Africa crying? It was having a mid-life crisis.

Have you heard of the Onono? In the Amazon jungle there's the Toucan, a bird with tiny legs and a big beak. In Africa you can find the Flamingo, a big bird with a small beak but very long legs. Recently scientists discovered a new species of birds in a forest near Tchernobyl : the Onono. It's a bird with a small beak, tiny legs, and very big balls. Whenever he has to land you can hear him squeak : "Oh no no! Oh no no!".

Why is Pokemon quite realistic? Because in the games, Bug-types are effective against Dark-types. Just like malaria in Africa.

Why shoudn't you play poker in Africa ? Because of all the Cheetahs!

Why shouldn't you go to Africa if your scared of robots? Botswana kill you

How do you make a rave party in Africa? You stick a piece of bread on the ceiling.

A young man arrived home in a state of exhaustion. "Are you okay?" asked his mother. "How did your day out with grandma go?" "Never again!" he said. "I've never been so embarrassed in my life. I couldn't believe some of the things she said, things like: 'What are you doing here? We don't want your sort in this country! Go on, get back to Africa, get back to India!' Everybody was staring at us. Eventually I had to tell her: 'Gran, it's a zoo.'" WEDDINGS

An American tourist in Africa was admiring a necklace worn by a local tribesman. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Crocodile's teeth," replied the tribesman. "I guess," said the tourist, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us?" "No," said the tribesman. "Anyone can open an oyster."

A giraffe was visiting a waterhole in Africa when he spotted a frog. "Hey," he said to the frog, "you've got no neck!" The frog said: "Why would I need a neck like yours?" The giraffe replied: "With a neck like mine, you could enjoy life to the full. You see, when I eat something, it takes so long to go down that I can enjoy it all the way. I can savour every second. When I drink fresh water, I can feel it going from my lips to my stomach for ages. It adds a bit of extra quality to my life." The…

Herds of elephants from all over Africa were summoned to a meeting in the jungle. As their national leader took his place on the stage, one of the African elephants trumpeted impatiently: "Come on, tell us what this is all about. We're all ears."

Actual meaning of women’s statements: Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to! We need = I want! Do what you want = You'll pay for this later! I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron! I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper....! Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive! How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like! I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV! Is my bum fat? = Tell…

A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa. The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration: "I was a father all my life, I had no children, had no wife, I read the bible through and through on my way to Timbuktu ... " The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. B…