Usain Bolt Jokes

I used to think I knew what a racist was until I told Usain Bolt he was my favorite racist ever.

Whatever, Usain Bolt. I've been finishing in under 10 seconds for years.

"I don't have to run faster than the bear. I just have to run faster than you," I say to my hiking companion. It is Usain Bolt. A bear waves

"so doc... am I dying?" "we're all dying, just at different speeds" "but what about me" "You're like, the Usain Bolt of dying dude lmao"

One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.

Usain Bolt runs at 31mph which sounds good, but if he hits a child there's a 40% chance they'll die.

Just imagine if Usain Bolt was your father and you were trying to run away from a beating.

If Usain Bolt ever becomes a zombie we are all screwed.

Usain Bolt doesn't know shit bout speed compared to a parent putting their hand over their kids mouth when they see someone w/ an eye patch.

I'm a slow runner unless I think I left my phone unlocked in the next room, in which case I'm Usain Bolt.

SON: Can horses run in the Olympics? DAD: Wouldn't be fair SON: Why not? DAD: [hand on son's shoulder] Usain Bolt is just too fast, buddy

Usain Bolt walks into a Golf club And the receptionist says: ""Sorry we don't let blacks play here. There's a club that does 10 minutes down the road."" ""But I'm Usain Bolt!"" ""Okay clever cunt, 3 minutes then!""

I judge Usain Bolt based on his race All of his races, actually.

Nesta Carter was asked how he felt after winning a gold medal alongside Usain Bolt. ""That was dope!""

Usain Bolt its so fast when he misses the bus He just waits at the next stop

I don't understand all the excitement over Usain Bolt I finish in under ten seconds all the time.

A doctor was visiting a patient She asked him 'doctor am I going to die?' Out of pity the doctor told her the truth, 'we are all dying slowly, some just faster than others.' The patient said, 'how fast am I dying.' The doctor leaned over and said 'you are the usain bolt of dying.'

What's the difference between Hitler and Usain Bolt? Usian Bolt can finish a race.

Usain Bolt and I have a lot in common I can run for less than 10 seconds and enjoy smoking Degrasse

Usain Bolt is like a Police Officer He starts off following black men, then catches up and beats them.

If Usain Bolt was an electrician... His name would be Usain Volt

What do you call Usain bolt when he's running from a lion? Fast food

Whats the Diffrence Between Hitler and Usain Bolt? One can acctualy finish a race

In bed, women commonly mistake me for Usain Bolt because I always come first.

What Cell Phone Company does Usain Bolt use? Sprint