Sunday Service Jokes

Mrs. Smith is having trouble with her husband falling asleep in church... ... and it was really embarrassing for her to be seen with him constantly nodding off. So Mrs. Smith asks the preacher before Sunday service if he has any ideas for her. He thinks about it, then hands her a pin and says, ""Every time I signal you with this gesture, poke your husband with this pin."" Mrs. Smith acknowledged his instructions and sat down with her husband for the service. Shortly into the sermon, Mr. Smith ha…

Every Monday afternoon, a Catholic priest and an Anglican vicar meet up at the local pub for a drink and a chat. One day, the vicar doesn't show up, but he DOES show up the next week. The priest asks him why he stood him up. ""You won't believe this, but someone stole my bicycle! I had to borrow a friend's."" ""You might be able to find your old one, but how?"" the priest wondered. After a minute of thought, his eyes lit up. ""I got it! Next Sunday service, do a sermon on the Ten Commandments. W…

An Excerpt from my new comedy E-book! ""The Absurdity Of Everything"" My new comedy Ebook. Free until January 8th. A phenomenon has been occurring in Chinese buffets across the country. Some buffets use this thing called Mono Sodium Glutamate (MSG), a food additive that makes the food even more delicious. Used in correct amounts it just adds flavor. But used in incorrect amounts, a process called ""re-animation"" can occur. Studies show that large amounts of (MSG) can stimulate the nervous syste…

A free Comedy E-Book! The Absurdity Of Everything Get my new comedy E-book free! An Excerpt....... ""Unfortunately, a phenomenon has been occurring in Chinese buffets across the country. Some buffets use this thing called Mono Sodium Glutamate (MSG), a food additive that makes the food even more delicious. Used in correct amounts it just adds flavor. But used in incorrect amounts, a process called ""re-animation"" can occur. Studies show that large amounts of (MSG) can stimulate the nervous syst…

There was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance that he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. On one particular Sunday it turned out to be a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was shining, the temperature was just right and there was very little wind. The preacher was in a quandary and wasn't sure what to do....play golf or give the Sunday service. The urge to play golf overcame him and he called in his assistant to take care of the Sunday service for him…

Signs Your Pastor Needs A Vacation His first words to the congregation on Sunday morning are ""All right, listen up you heathens..."" He falls asleep during his own sermon. He shows up for Sunday service wearing Bermuda Shorts and a Tank Top. Every time his pager goes off, he shouts, ""Why can't they just leave me alone?!"" Announces baptismal services will be at the Grand Canyon. You go to his office for counseling and pour your heart out to him and he says, ""Sounds like a personal problem to …

The Pastor of the local church calls on the congregation for volunteers for Bible sales.... A gentleman with a severe stutter approaches the pastor after Sunday service. "I-i-i... I-i-id like to v-v-v-v-vol-vol-vo-volunteer to s-s-s-se-sell b-b-b-bi-b-bibles, f-fff-f-f-fa-fa-father..." "That would be wonderful, my son. We'll start you with one box. Please go door to door throughout the community and sell what you can. You can give these away, but donations are always accepted since the word …

A pastor decides to blow off his Sunday service and go golfing. ""See that?"" St Peter says to God

Toward the end of Sunday service, the minister asked the congregation: "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" Eighty per cent held up their hands. The minister then repeated his question, and all held up their hands except one little old lady. "Miss Carey," said the minister, "are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly. "Miss Carey, that is very unusual," said the minister. "How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," she replied. "Wonderful!" gus…