Toward the end of Sunday service, the minister asked the congregation: "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?" Eighty per cent held up their hands. The minister then repeated his question, and all held up their hands except one little old lady. "Miss Carey," said the minister, "are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly. "Miss Carey, that is very unusual," said the minister. "How old are you?" "Ninety-eight," she replied. "Wonderful!" gushed the minister. "Miss Carey, would you be so kind as to come down out front and tell the rest of our congregation how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?" The sweet little old lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation and said: "I outlived the bitches!" I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet and he sent me a goat with a long neck. It turned out I'd phoned Dial-a-Llama. Milton Jones A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change in the pulpit. At home he was shy, quiet and retiring but in church he was a real fire-and-brimstone orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he were two different people. One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him whenever he preached. "Ah," he said, "that's my altar ego." A woman met a preacher in the street and asked him: "Does your church welcome all denominations?" "Yes," he replied, "but we prefer tens and twenties."