South America Jokes

A Blonde went into a pet shop and asked the owner if he had any parrots. The owner replied, ""Sorry, I don't have any at the moment."" ""Damn and blast!"" said the blonde, ""I have been invited to a fancy dress party for the first time in my life, and I have been told to be as authentic as possible, hence the need for the parrot."" explained the Blond. ""Well,"" said the owner, ""if you come back here next week, specifically on Thursday, I am expecting a shipment from South America and I'll be a…

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven God went missing for seven days. Eventually Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God ""Where were you?"". God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; look my child look what I've just finished making. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said what is it? God replied ""its another planet but this time I' ve decided to put LIFE on it. I've named it earth and there's going to be a balance between ever…

So George Bush is in his office... His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an explosion at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens." Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"

Sad but true. Worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure, In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant, In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant, In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant, In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant, In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant, In South America the…

Juan, the Mexican Farmer There once was a guy named Juan. He was a really nice guy....didn't beat his wife, didn't beat his kids, didn't beat the aardvark in the backyard. He lived in a small country in South America. Juan lived a simple life, and was simply happy. One day, he was sitting in a coffeeshop with a few friends, when the topic of the election for mayor came up. One of his friends said 'Hey Juan, why don't you run? You're a really great guy!' Juan smiled and thanked his friends for …

Guy with a cat wins the lottery So he gets extended leave from his job, packs his things and buys a ticket for South America. Problem is, he needs someone to take care of his cat. So he calls a friend. "Hey John, I need you to take care of my cat for 3 months". "Three months?!" "Yeah, but don't worry, all you need to do is feed her a 3 times a day, change her sand, play with her a bit and, god forbid, take her to the vet if she needs anything". "Damn, so... what if she..." "I have a plan f…

I have three rules in life: Never ask anyone how much they make. Don’t ask anyone how old they are. Never ask a person with a German last name why they are from South America.

UN Survey Last month, the UN conducted a global survey: # "Please give us your honest opinion about a solution to the Food Shortages in the Rest of the World." ​ The poll turned out, not unexpectedly, to be a huge flop. Why? ​ \-In Africa, participants didn't know what 'food' was. \-Russia didn't know what 'honest' meant. \-Western Europe did not know the word 'Shortage '. \-The Chinese did not know what 'opinion' was. \-The Middle East asked what 'solution' meant. \-So…

The last wish A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor, and Clergyman at his bedside and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life. A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and fri…

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: ‘Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world? The survey was a failure. In Africa they didn’t know what ‘food’ meant; in India they didn’t know what ‘honest’ meant; in Europe they didn’t know what ‘shortage’ meant; in China they didn’t know what ‘opinion’ meant; in the Middle East they didn’t know what ‘solution’ meant; in South America they didn’t kn…

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: ""Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what ""food"" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what ""honest"" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what ""shortage"" meant. In China they didn't know what ""opinion"" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what ""solution"" meant. In South …

What's the difference between an alpaca and your Mom?,"One is a hairy beast that spits the other is native to South America.

What's the difference between an alpaca and your Mom? One is a hairy beast that spits, the other is native to South America.

What's the difference between your mom and an alpaca? One's a hairy beast that spits and the other's native to South America.

What do you call a person from South America with a walking assist? Mexicane.

How many people live in South America? A Brazilian.

What is the most popular vehicle in South America? They drive alpacars.