Seamus Jokes

An Irishman walks into a bar... An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied the Irishman “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out!” said the Irishman. An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on…

the most famous person in the history of the world The teacher addressed his class,"I'll give five dollars to anybody who can name the most famous person in the history of the world." An Irish boy raised his hand and said,"St. Patrick." "Sorry Seamus, that's not correct." Then a French boy raised his hand and said,"Napoleon." The teacher replied,"I'm sorry, Jean, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and answered,"Jesus Christ." "That's right, David! You win the five d…

Paddy died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly... So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for. Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Paddy." The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burn…

Seamus and Murphy wanted to go out drinking like respectable Irishman, but they didn't have alot of money... Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. Murphy said to Seamus ‘Hang on my friend, I have an idea.’ He went next door to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage. Seamus said ‘Are you crazy Murph? Now we don’t have any money left at all!’ Murphy replied, ‘Don’t worry – just follow me.’ He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pin…

An Irishman is drinking whiskey at a bar... It's closing time, and he's pretty drunk. He gets up to leave and...boom! Falls over and smacks into the floor. He tries to get up again, but only succeeds in losing his balance and falling back down. He thinks to himself "wow I'm more drunk than I thought, maybe if I could just get some fresh air and sober up a little". So he crawls his way to the door, throws it open, and crawls outside. He tries to get up again, no luck. "Ok, it's not too far, I'll…

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three shots... Seamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for three shots of Bushmills and three pints of Guinness. "Rough day, friend?" the bartender asks as he pours the drinks. "Nah - it's for me brothers. The three of us used to drink together back home in Dublin when we were younger. Now Mick's in London, Paddy's in Australia, and I'm here in New York. We hardly ever see each other these days, but when we left home, we swore we'd drink like th…

Murphy and Seamus Two Irish pilots, Murphy and Seamus, are flying a Ryanair Ltd. jet on its final approach at Cork Airport. Murphy says: “BuayJesus! Maury an' Josefff! Look how short this runway is.” Seamus replies: “Yes, but look how fookin' wide it is!”

In Ireland there is a tradition that holds that a dying man may ask one last question, and that it be answered truthfully. Seamus had come to the end of his days; his time on this planet was short. Gathered around him was his wife and his four sons. Three of his sons were fine, tall men but the fourth...wasn't. Aiden was a bit scrawny, and quite thin. Seamus says to his wife: "Mary...I've not much time left. So I want to ask you something that's bothered me for many a day. Please tell me the t…

A tourist walks into a bar. He asks for an Irishman named Seamus. The bartender points to an old man in the back

Have I ever told you of Seamus? Oh no... One evening while I was vacationing in Scotland

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: “So Seamus

Two Irish guys walk into a pet shop Seamus heads straight over to the back of the shop

Paddy and Seamus want to go for a pint of Guinness but... They're skint.

Murphy and Seamus Two Irish pilots

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three shots... Seamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for three shots of Bushmills and three pints of Guinness.

Seamus and Murphy wanted to go out drinking like respectable Irishman but they didn't have alot of money...

Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night with Paddy the Pilot and Seamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport

Two Irishmen – Mick and Seamus – went to claim disability benefits by lying about being deaf. Mick walked in and the woman behind the desk said: "Shut the door behind you." "Okay," he replied and shut the door. So the woman immediately knew he wasn't deaf and threw him out. On his way out, Mick whispered to Seamus: "Don't shut the door – it's a trick." Seamus walked in and again the woman said: "Shut the door behind you." Remembering what Mick had said, Seamus turned to the woman and replied: "S…