The Guinness Brewery Mary O'Malley was waiting at home for her husband to come home from work at the Guinness brewery. While she was putting the finishing touches on dinner, she hears a knock on the door. Mary goes to the door to find her husband's friend/coworker, Seamus, on the other side. ""Oh, Seamus! Come in, come in! Please, make yourself at home, I'm just waiting for my husband to come back from work. Can I offer you some tea?"" Mary asked. ""No, thank you,"" replied Seamus. ""Mary, unfor…

Bob the Sailor, and Ollie the Octopus Bob the sailor walks into a bar carrying a large octopus. He announces to the bar that this octopus can not only talk, but he has a very unique talent which he will share with the crowd for $50 a turn. Bartender says ""There's no way that octopus can talk."" ""Sure he can. Ollie, tell the nice folks you can talk."" says Bob. ""He's right,"" says Ollie the Octopus, ""I can talk. I can also play any musical instrument."" ""True story!"" Says Bob the sailor "".…

Two Irish guys walk into a pet shop Seamus heads straight over to the back of the shop, knowing what he's looking for, and Finton follows shortly behind. ""Dats dem up der!"" Says Seamus, pointing at high up bird cage. ""Oi'll tek two a dem budgies up der,"" He says to the shopkeeper, ""an wouldya put em in a pepper bag?"" So they leave the shop, hop in a van parked out side, budgies in hand, and they drive off. They drive to the edge of a cliff with a 700 ft drop. They go over to the edge, wher…

Two Irishmen are looking for a job. They come across a sign, that reads, ""Tree Fellers"". Pat and Murphy look at each other and exclaim, ""If only Seamus was here, we would've had the job!""