San Francisco Jokes

Be Careful Doing Drugs in Utah I recently moved to Utah from San Francisco, and wasn't paying attention once when I wanted to party. I got my LSD mixed up with LDS, and instead of taking a Trip, I ended up on a 2 year mission to Fiji.

There are so many gay bars in San Francisco; It's hard to keep them all straight.

Why are US flags different in San Francisco? They have gay bars.

A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him t…

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day a passenger noticed that the ""Fasten Seat Belts"" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing he asked the stewardess about it. ""Well"" she explained ""up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. ""In back there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?""

There was a guy walking down the street in San Francisco and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp. He picked it up and hid it under his jacket because he thought it was priceless. While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in it rubbed against his shirt. POOF! A genie popped out of his pocket! The very angry looking Genie said ""All right I have had enough with this three wish stuff and 'cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special I will only give you one wish!"" The surpr…

Charlie the Street Car Conductor Long joke that is passed down in my family So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated …

Man finds a Genie in a bottle Man walking along the beach finds a bottle, opens it, out pops a Genie "Ok, great you found me and all but im busy and you get One Wish. Take it or leave it" "Well, jeez, I always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate flying, and I get sea Sick. How bout a highway from San Francisco to Hawaii" "Are you nuts? Do you know how long a bridge that would be? How deep the pylons would go? Why the Engineering alone would be a Monumental undertaking....Pick something…

There was a boy who grew up in San Francisco and he absolutely loved watching the street cars going up and down the streets. His goal, when he grew up was to eventually drive those things. Before he even graduated high school, he applied to the street car driving school. He got accepted and once he graduated high school he headed off to training. After months of classes and tests, he was off to his first day of work as an apprentice. After a month of supervised driving, he was off on his own. …

Down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a street car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one da…

My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person. She asked me, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?” Me: Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.

A businessman walked into a bank in San Francisco and asked for the loan officer... He told the officer that he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer explained that the bank needed some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything Checked out, and the bank agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. A bank employee drove the Rolls into…

Why did the non-binary prospector go to San Francisco in 1849? 'Cause there was gold in them/their hills!

What is the difference between San Francisco and Larkspur?,"Larkspur has a ferry terminal San Francisco has terminal fairies.

What is the difference between San Francisco and Larkspur? Larkspur has a ferry terminal, San Francisco has terminal fairies.

Why don't blondes wear mini skirts in San Francisco? Their balls will show.

Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco? He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis. (Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)

Why is it so cold in San Francisco? Giant fans.

"What do you call someone who makes cakes in San Francisco? A BAYYYYker

Why don't girls in San Francisco wear skirts? Their balls would fall out.

What is the worst way to ask for a cigarette in San Francisco? "You got a fag I can bum?"

What do you call Nazis from San Francisco? Bay Aryans

Three women were sitting around boasting about their sons. One said: "My son graduated first in his class from Stanford. He's now a doctor, making $250,000 a year in Seattle." The second woman said: "My son graduated first in his class from Harvard. He's now a lawyer, making $500,000 a year in San Francisco." The third woman said: "My son never did too well in school. He never went to any university but he now makes a $1,000,000 a year in New York working as a sports repairman." "What's a sports…

A lady on the airplane strikes up a conversation with the fellow sitting in the next seat, "..and where are you going?" "I'm going to San Francisco to a Unix convention," he replies. "Eunuchs convention?" she questions. "I didn't know there were that many of you."