Coast Guard Jokes

If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard.

A married couple is lying in bed at midnight.... ...she's half asleep, the husband is reading the newspaper, when the phone rings. The husband picks it up. ""Hello? No, sorry, I think you've got the wrong number.... no, I think you meant to call the local Coast Guard station... yup, that's right... no, I couldn't tell you the number, I don't have it handy, but I'm sure you could find it in the phone book... no problem at all, don't mention it... no no no, don't worry about it, you didn't wake me…

In light of hurricane Matthew A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. He says to his neighbors ""I believe God will save me"". On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. He replies again ""God will save me"". The next day his house is flooded and he is on the roof. A small motorboat comes by but again ""God will save me"". The next day he can barely hold on to chim…

Do you know that the Coast Guard requires that you be at least six feet tall? So that if your ship sinks, you can walk back to shore!

The flood is coming. It was all over the news, ""the flood is coming."" Being the devout man he was, Johnny decided to wait until God sent him a sign before he evacuated. The water came up to his doorstep and his neighbor paddled by with a canoe. ""Get in!"" his neighbor yelled. ""No, I'm waiting for a sign from God,"" he replied. And he waited. The water came up to his second floor. Johnny got on his roof. The Coast Guard came by with a helicopter. Johnny refused to get in. ""I'm waiting for a …

Why does the Coast Guard have ultraviolet lights? To help them find missing sea men.

Did you know that the Coast Guard is the only branch of military with a minimum required height of 6feet? It's so if their boat sinks they can walk to shore.

A whole family was caught in a small boat during a sudden storm off the shores of Florida but towed to safety in Fort Lauderdale by the ever alert U.S. Coast Guard. ""I always knew God would take care of us"" said the composed five year old daughter of the boat owner after the family got home. ""I like to hear you say that"" beamed the mother. ""Always remember that God is in His heaven watching over us."" ""Oh I wasn't talking about THAT God"" the five year old interrupted. ""I was talking a…

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day a passenger noticed that the ""Fasten Seat Belts"" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing he asked the stewardess about it. ""Well"" she explained ""up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. ""In back there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees. What would you do?""

Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement? So when their ship sinks they can walk back to shore.

Why couldn't the Coast Guard save the hippie? Because he was wayyy far out man.