If you wrap yourself up in a blanket, you can show up to work late and say you were just rescued by the Coast Guard.

A married couple is lying in bed at midnight.... ...she's half asleep, the husband is reading the newspaper, when the phone rings. The husband picks it up. ""Hello? No, sorry, I think you've got the wrong number.... no, I think you meant to call the local Coast Guard station... yup, that's right... no, I couldn't tell you the number, I don't have it handy, but I'm sure you could find it in the phone book... no problem at all, don't mention it... no no no, don't worry about it, you didn't wake me…

In light of hurricane Matthew A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. He says to his neighbors ""I believe God will save me"". On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. He replies again ""God will save me"". The next day his house is flooded and he is on the roof. A small motorboat comes by but again ""God will save me"". The next day he can barely hold on to chim…

The flood is coming. It was all over the news, ""the flood is coming."" Being the devout man he was, Johnny decided to wait until God sent him a sign before he evacuated. The water came up to his doorstep and his neighbor paddled by with a canoe. ""Get in!"" his neighbor yelled. ""No, I'm waiting for a sign from God,"" he replied. And he waited. The water came up to his second floor. Johnny got on his roof. The Coast Guard came by with a helicopter. Johnny refused to get in. ""I'm waiting for a …