Matthew Jokes

A child in class, when asked to draw a picture of the Holy Family, produced a picture in which Mary and the baby sat on a recognisably donkeyish steed, led by Joseph. on the ground nearby lay a black blob. ""What is that?"" asked the teacher. ""The flea,"" answered the artist. ""What flea, dear?"" asked the puzzled teacher. ""The one the Angel told Joseph to take."" Eventually, puzzled but not liking to challenge an imaginative child, the teacher checked out her Bible. And there it was : Matthew…

Mrs. Ellis came home from work one evening to find her three-year-old son lighting up a cigar. She raced into the kitchen where her husband was making dinner. ""Hey!"" she announced. ""This is terrible! I just caught Matthew lighting a cigar!"" ""You put a stop to that right now"" he shouted. ""That kid is altogether too young to be playing with matches!""

Christian Drugs. Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did. Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: "Who is it?" "It's Mark" Jesus opens the door. "What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from Colombia" "Very well son, co…

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles? He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

Jesus is hanging on the cross. There’s a big loud crowd gathered when he’s heard weakly calling for Matthew. Matthew rushes toward the cross but is brutally beaten back by the Roman soldiers guarding it. He runs around to the far side and tries again. Again he’s beaten back. Finally after several more attempts a beaten and bloody Matthew makes it to the cross. “Yes lord what do you have to tell me” Jesus replies “I can see your house from up here”

Three nuns die in a car crash They ascend to heaven and are met at the pearly gates by Saint Peter. “Before you can enter Heaven you must each answer a question to prove your piety.” He turns to the first nun and asks “How many commandments did God give to Moses?” The nun says “Oh, that’s easy, 10!” Ba Bada Bah! The trumpets blare and the pearly gate swings open. St Peter turns to the second nun, “Name the four evangelists.” “Ha, that’s simple, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John!” Ba Bada Bah! Th…

A man dies and his three best friends, Matthew, Mark and James are looking at his body in the coffin. Matthew says "He was such a good friend. I don't want him to go to his maker empty handed" and he throws $200 in cash into the coffin. Mark says he agrees and also throws in $200 in cash. James says "You cheap-skates! I'm ashamed of you and I'm going to give him $1,000." He then writes out a check for $1,400, throws it in and takes the $400 in change out of the coffin.

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar? ""The girls get older

What is matthew mcconaughey favorite bread? All rye all rye

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles? He managed to find mates named Matthew

My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's House?,"All right, all right all right..

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house? A right a right a right

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's House? All right, all right, all right..

Why doesn't Amy Winehouse hide her syringe in her hair when she's on stage? Because it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Jesus vs. Elvis Jesus said: "Love Thy Neighbour." (Matthew 22:39) Elvis said: "Don't Be Cruel." (RCA, 1956) Jesus said: "Man shall not live by bread alone." Elvis loved sandwiches with peanut butter and bananas. Jesus is the Lord's shepherd. Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd. Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25) Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, 1965) Jesus lived in a state …