Josh Jokes

MATH Q: 5 friends wanna split a $50 dinner. But Josh wants a separate check bc his thing was $2 less. Really, Josh? This is y nobody likes u

Anytime someone loses something in the office HR doesn't ask if anyone's seen it, they just send out an email that says "Give it back Josh"

First date *dont let him know you been stalking him Him- so my brother just got deployed Me: Josh or Brian?

JOSH: Hey dad DAD: Oh my god is your name still Josh JOSH: Um yeah DAD: We're changing it JOSH: No please don- DAD: It's done ERIC: What the

*walks by HR door for 11th time to see if she's not there so I can take some candy off her desk* HR: Do you need something Josh? me: Nope

Josh tells his friend Steve, 'did you know 2 out of every 3 people live next to a paedophile?' Steve replies 'not me, I live next to two smoking hot 10 years olds'

Josh in Europe. A guy shows his painting of a couple making love to a friend. A friend than asks: ""What is it called."" Artist replies: ""Josh in Europe."" A friend asks again: ""Who is this woman on the painting."" Artist answers: ""That is Joshes wife."" Friend asks: ""So im guessing the man is Josh."" The artist corrects him: ""That is Tom."" Friend than asks: ""So where is Josh."" ""In Europe."" Replies the artist.

Pearl Harbour 9/11'd Josh Hartnett's career. Three disasters in seven words that make a fully coherent sentence. Can anyone do better?

So a friend and I Are going to a cafe for brunch. She asked ""Do you think I should get together with Josh? You are like an 8ball to me."" I replied ""What about me?""

A woman walked in to a pet shop... ... to buy some food for her dog, while in the pet shop she saw a parrot for only 3 where as the others where 30, she asked the shop keeper why it was so cheap and he said ""Legally when we sell any animal we need to inform the customer of where it came from and this parrot came from a brothel that got closed down and that puts people off buying it. However this parrot can say hello and learn everyone's name it meets"" she thought for a second and then decided …

What did Josh say when asked if his sister was good in bed? ""I Duggar.""

So three guys are captured by a South American tribe... Three guys, Ben, Joel, and Josh are walking through the South American jungle one day when they are captured by an indigenous tribe and are told they will be allowed to go if they complete a trial. After some discussion they all agree and they ask what the trial involves, they are told they each need to go off and find ten of any type of fruit they can find. Josh searches hard and finally finds some small red berries, when he comes back, he…

Three men and a phone there are three men in a bar who are all just a bit drunk but in their senses. Their names are Billy, Nicholas, and Josh. A phone rings and Nicholas picks up. it was his girlfriend. she asks Nicholas if she can buy a brand new TV set with his money and he says why not, go ahead. she then asked if she could get a new pool built outside her house with his credit card. Nicholas says it's fine with him. She finally asks if she could buy the latest car with the credit card and h…

Ken and Josh, two good friends, are hiking up a mountain Ken needs to take a piss, so he goes over to do his business. A snake slithers over and bites him on his manhood. Ken screams in pain and Josh runs down to the base camp to tell the medic. The medic explains that this type of snake has deadly venom and the only way Ken will survive is if Josh sucks the venom out. Josh runs back up to where Ken is writhing in pain. ""What did the medic say?"" Ken asks. Josh replies, ""He says you're gonna d…

If you know anyone named Josh, next time you see them simply call them ""Joss"". For some reason they get extremely annoyed and it is quite amusing. *Passing by* Me: *Wave* ""Oh hey what's up Joss?"" Josh: ""He-"" *Starts thinking, ""What the hell??"" and is completely bewildered*

Old Josh was sat in his garden, sunbathing in the deck chair when he noticed his grand-son kneeling on the lawn with a worm. When he asked his grandson what he was doing, he found that he was trying to push the worm down the hole from which it came. ""If you can get that worm back in that hole I'll give you ten dollars,"" said Josh. His grandson sat and thought for a moment, then rushed into the house. A few minutes later he returned with his mother's hair spray. He picked up the worm by one end…

Josh sent a letter to his folks. He told about a ten-mile hike he had taken. His father wrote back saying 'In my day I thought nothing of walking ten miles.' Josh wrote back 'To tell the truth I didn't think much of it either.

What is Limp Bizkit favorite actor? Josh Brolin Brolin Brolin Brollin

Ben and Josh were playing Call of Duty when there parents came charging into the living room... Dad shouts "You boys play that darn thing way too much, get your arses outside and play! I don't want to see you two until teatime" He kicks the boys outside then turns to his wife. "Alone a last" he says unbuttoning his trousers. His wife gives a wicked smile and removes her top. A few minutes later walking down the street Ben turns to Josh. "I can't believe we got kicked out of our own livestrea…

Josh tells his friend Steve 'did you know 2 out of every 3 people live next to a paedophile?'

What is Josh Duggar's second favorite dating website after Ashley-Madison? Ancestry.com

Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for. She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit." Josh said, "I can see that, but why?" Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires."