Johnnys Jokes

A teacher asks her kids in class.... "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importanc…

Little Johnny at the Farm Little Johnny lives on a farm with his family. One evening the family notices that one of the donkeys had manage to get out of the stables. Johnny’s dad tries to lead the donkey back into the stables but the stubborn animal will not budge. Johnny’s mom tries to coax the donkey with carrots and hay, but the donkey just ignores the food. Seeing his parents becoming increasingly agitated at the stubborn animal, Johnny offers to try and get the donkey back into the stabl…

Little Johnny at it again... Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye. After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it. Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye." So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't s…

Little Johnny's peanut Little Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, mommy, you won't believe it! Little Johnny pulled out his pee-pee in class today! It was like a peanut." The mom replies, "Oh, it was small?" Little Sally says, "No, it was salty."

Little Johnny had a bad day. He stomped home from school to the family farm. Being an annoying little kid, he saw the farm animals and decided to take out a little frustration on them, so he yelled at the pig, chased the chickens around, and kicked in a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch. Finally, he made it to the house. His mom was waiting and furious. "Johnny, I saw you just did and you're in big trouble! For abusing the poor pig and chickens, you don't get sausage or wings tonight. And no pump…

A grade school teacher was asking students... ...what their parents did for a living. Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a doctor!" Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!" Little Johnny stood up and said, "My dad is a professional con artist!" The teacher couldn't believe what she had just heard, so she made a point of calling Little Johnny's father that evening to discuss the situation. Little Johnny's father explained, "Actually, I'm a law attorney, but how am I supposed to…

A little Johnny... One day in math class little Johnny's teacher asked him to look out the window, where three birds were sitting on a fence. She then asks "Johnny, if I shoot one of those birds how many are left?" Johnny replies "None, they would all have flown away when they heard the gun shot." The teacher smiles and says "The correct answer was two, but I like the way you think." Johnny looks at the teacher and says "I have a question for you." "There are three women in an ice cream …

Little Johnny Johnny's mom is in the kitchen and she decides to check on her son who is playing in the living room. Little Johnny is playing with his train set, he pulls the train into the station and says, "Whoever needs to get the hell off the train, and who ever needs to come on the train get the hell on." Little Johnny's mom is furious and pulls him by the arm and throws him in his room and says to him, "You will stay in here until you learn not to curse." 3 hours go by and little Johnny…

Johnny's parents hired a tutor to help him with statistics after his first session with the tutor, his parents asked him how it went. johnny said "well, today i learned that correlation is not equal to causation" johnny's mother was pleased: "so hiring this tutor is really helping you understand statistics!?" johnny responded "well, not necessarily."

It's show and tell day... In kindergarten class, and its Johnny's turn. He goes up to the board and puts a dot. "What's that, Johnny?" The teacher asks. "It's a period," replies Johnny. "What's so special about a period Johnny?" she asks. "I have no idea, but my sister missed one, so my dad starting yelling, mom started crying, and the guy next door shot himself."

Little Johnny...again. A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give imp…

"Most adults are hiding at least one dark secret!!!" At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, a…

A touching moment with Santa... Little Johnny climbs onto Santa's lap at the department store. Santa says, "I'll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S." The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys." Santa tries again, tapping Johnny's nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y." Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy." "Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks. Johnny…

Friendship Bob goes to his friend Johnny and says ... "I'm sleeping with the Pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after services for me?" Johnny doesn't like it but being Bob's long time friend, he agrees. After service, he starts talking to the Pastor, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the Pastor gets annoyed and asks Johnny what he's really up to. Johnny, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the Pastor. "My friend is sleeping wi…

Little Johnny's Game Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

A LESSON IN MORALS One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When …

Little Johnny moves to a Catholic School. Little Johnny, is a student who is oblivious to religion and is really bad at math. Little Johnny's parents wanted him to change and go to a Catholic School. After the first day, when Little Johnny arrived home, he went to his room directly. This continued until the first grading, when Little Johnny came home with his report card, he went directly to his room. His mother, anxious to open the report card, expecting low grades, decided to open it anyway,…

The Billionaire Kid. A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny, always the first with his hand up and always the naughtiest says “I wanna be a billionaire Miss” “I’ll be going to the most expensive clubs, take my best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day!”. The teacher is shocked and and is not quite sure how to dea…

On Monday morning, a teacher asks his 2nd graders what they did over the weekend: Timmy goes first: “I went to the movies with my mommy and daddy”. “Great!” The teacher replies “but I want you to use big kid words. Next time, say you went to the movies with mom and dad” Next up is Rose “I rode the choo choo with my family” “Sounds fun!” The teacher replies “but again, we use big kid words. You rode the train with your family” Then it’s Johnny’s turn to talk about his weekend, he thinks for …

Farts This is a story about Johnny and his wife Janne who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was Johnny’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water, and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was conce…

Johnny's dream was to work in the dairy case at his local super market... He went in and asked to speak to the manager, who informed him that the only open positions were at the registers, assisting customers with their groceries. "If I work real hard at that, do I have the potential to move up and eventually stock the dairy?" he asked. The manager frowned and said, "I'm really sorry son, but our policy is firm: baggers can't be cheesers."

Mary is invited to her boyfriend Johnny's home for dinner and to meet his parents She's very nervous about meeting them, and is on her best manners so as to ensure she gives her best impression. The parents are warm and seem pleased to make her acquaintance after all they've heard from Johnny. The family dog Fido is also very friendly and soon takes a liking to her. They sit to sumptuous dinner which the parents have prepared and begin eating and making conversation. Fido wants to stay close …

Johnny is at it again. Johnny's teacher is giving a lesson on Nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for Breakfast. To add a Spelling Component, she asks the students to also spell their answers. Susan puts up her hand and says she had an Egg, 'E-G-G' 'Very good', says the teacher. Peter says he had Toast, 'T-O-A-S-T? 'Excellent.' Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him: 'I had Feck All', he says, ' F-E-C-K-A-L-L'. The tea…

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he sai…

There is only one mom At school, the children were given the topic "There is only one mom" for their homework. On the second day at school, Daisy reads her homework: *My mom is good, she takes care of us, looks after us. There is only one such mother.* Frank reads the homework: *No mom is as good as mine. She wokrs everything for us and she is also very beautiful and kind.* It's Johnny's turn to read his homework: *When I came home yesterday, the apartment door was open. My little brother…