Jacks Jokes

Jack & Jill went up the hill, for a bit of privacy. Jill lifted her dress, to Jack's distress there was something there she hadn't confessed

9 months later 9 Months Later Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. 'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in …

Whats an iPhone 7's favorite brand of frozen pizza? Not Jack's.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack's pants were a little loose and his pants fell down. Jill looked at down and said ""Hey, what's that thing?"" ""I don't know,"" said Jack, ""I'll go ask my dad."" That night, Jack asked his dad what the thing in his pants was. ""That's your car,"" said Jack's dad, ""you gotta park it in as many garages as you can."" Jack and Jill went back up the hill the next day. Jill asked Jack, ""So what did your dad say?"" ""He said it's my car,"…

Jack, Brad, and Russell got shipwrecked in an island and were captured by vicious tribesmen. They were brought to the Chieftain, to which they were ordered to go into the jungle, pick a fruit and gather 12 pieces of it and present it back. The three hurriedly went to the jungle. Jack and Brad returned together. Jack gathered 12 bananas, and Brad picked 12 blueberries. Upon presenting the fruits, the Chief then told the two: ""I will let anyone of you live if you can shove the fruits that you bri…

For the golfers... Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! ""Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your misses into letting you go?"" ""Well, I've been here since las…

Downhill Skiing 3 rock climbers (Bob, Tim, Jack) were attempting to climb Everest. In a freak accident, Bob and Tim lost all of their supplies. Unable to progress any further, they decide to make camp and share jack's supplies. The three of them slept side to side, with bob and Tim on either side of jack. In the morning, as they made their way down the mountain, bob was telling the other two about his dream last night. Bob said, ""man I dreamt this buxom blonde gave me a vigorous hand job last n…

Starting Early There was a little girl named Suzy and she liked to play with one of the little boys in her neighborhood named Jack after school. One day, Suzy comes home ecstatic and her mother asks, ""Suzy, why are you so excited?"". Suzy replies ""I was playing with Jack and he said he'd give me a dollar if I climbed the tree in our yard and I did. So now I have a dollar!"" The mother realizes her little Suzy is wearing a dress and puts two and two together. ""Suzy,"" the mom starts to say, ""…

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Jack noticed his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, call out other men's names. Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her. ""Diane,"" he said, ""the only reason you married me was because my grandfat…

""How was your golf game dear?"" asked Jack's wife Tracy. ""Well I was hitting pretty well but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went."" ""You're seventy-five years old Jack!"" admonished his wife. ""Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"" ""But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore"" protested Jack. ""Yes but he's got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you"" Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and …

Caught in the blizzard [An old one but a good one] Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realise it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbours will *talk* i…

Jack wants to go Golfing Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk yo…

50 shades of golf Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going and that she's got something else planned. Naturally, Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus in…

Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years... Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your misses into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night.. Y…

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up in Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry,…

Both of 'em? Brad went over to Jack's house. While there Jack asked him to grab his slippers from upstairs, because he had back problems and couldn't really walk too well. Reluctantly, because he was a guest so he thought he shouldn't be Jack's errand boy, Brad made his way upstairs. While looking for the slippers he saw Jack's daughter and wife. They were both very attractive. Jack's wife asks him what he's up to, and he, being the quick thinker he is, responds: "Oh you know how Jack has ba…

Two old people playing golf "How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. ​ "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went." ​ "But you're seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" ​ "But he's eighty-five and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack. ​ "But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball," Tracy pointed out. &#x2…

One day, Jack's lightbulb wasn't working He called the electrician immediately and hoped he could fix it. The electrician tried his best, but could not make it glow. After a while, the electrician said, "There is one last thing we can try". Desperate, Jack agreed to follow his instructions. The electrician then invited 10 people into Jack's apartment, and instructed them all to put their hands on the lightbulb. Suddenly, the lightbulb started working! Jack was stunned, and asked the el…

Jack's New Horse Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John

Both of 'em? Brad went over to Jack's house. While there Jack asked him to grab his slippers from upstairs

Jack’s grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Jack noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men’s names! Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her. “Diane,” he said, “The only reason you married me was be…