Hillary Clinton Jokes

Why did Hillary Clinton had her campaign chairman John Podesta send the crowd home from the Clinton HQ? She 'accidently' deleted the email with her consession speech.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump get into a car accident. Who survives? America

Hillary Clinton has been so embarrassed about her email scandal that if elected she will bring back the secure channels of communication she used growing up... the pony express.

Cheer up Hillary Clinton. Nelson Mandela wasn't elected president, until after serving 27 years in prison.

Hillary Clinton is a strong woman who doesn't need Bill. Besides, the FBI has been fingering her for a while now.

A man gets onto a bus. He is carrying two large barrels under his arms. The bus driver says: ""you can't take those barrels onto the bus. What's in there anyway?"" The passenger replies: ""Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump."" The driver asks: ""no, really, what's in there?"" The passenger repeats: ""Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump."" ""Why don't you open them and let me see?"" The passenger does as instructed, and the driver exclaims: ""eww, but they are full of shit!"" The passenger calmly says…

What does Hillary Clinton do when she sees a sniper in Bosnia? Ducks on the ground

The Election was tied.... The US Presidential election of 2016 had been over for weeks. Every single ballot had been counted and tabulated, the Electoral College had cast their votes, and after every avenue had been exhausted, it was unequivocally a dead heat. Both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton turned to the Supreme Court for a decision, agreeing to abide by the ruling for the good of the Country, Mom, and Apple Pie. After due deliberation, Justice Ginsburg, the Notorious RBG, spoke for the C…

What did Hillary Clinton say when they took down her private email server? R.I.P. My Inbox

If Hillary Clinton stripped off her pant suit, what would you see? Depends.

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Tim Kaine, Mike Pence and an elderly lady were on a plane that was halfway across the Atlantic Ocean on their way to America. Suddenly, the plane began to start shaking violently. A voice on the intercom said, ""We lost an engine! Going Down! Passengers take a parachute and get away before it blows!"" Unfortunately there were only 4 parachutes available. Hillary grabbed one, said, ""I'm sorry, but as a potential first female president and keeper of Wall Street inte…

If Hillary Clinton wins the election I am moving to Benghazi. At lest I know she will leave me alone there.

Why is Hillary Clinton unfit to be president? Because she doesn't go to the gym

Hill and Don go to a bakery... Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go to a bakery. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, ""See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie."" I will definitely win the election. Then Donald says to Hillary, ""That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same res…

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar. They ask the bartender, ""What have you got?"" The bartender points to two taps. They say, ""What? That's it?! We don't like either of those choices!"" The bartender says, ""Now you know how I feel.""

At first I wondered.. How on earth does Hillary Clinton sleep at night? Then I realised - First she *lies* on one side, then she *lies* on the other.

What does Hillary Clinton call a Trump supporting turtle warming itself in the sun? A basking deplorable

Hillary Clinton and Donald trump both are in the same car, who should be the driver? The police

Hillary Clinton is a liar, cheater, thief, narcissist, who will say anything, do anything for money and power. She tells bold face lies making promises she never intend to keep. She does a half ass job to show people she is ""keeping her promise"" but will bail on the project before it finished. She starts wars with no intention of finishing the job, leave the troops with no support and abandon them while they are overseas. She takes bribes from foreign enemies and will screw America every chanc…

I finally found an active Hillary Clinton sub with a lot of subscribers! /r/politics edit: keep in mind it's a joke for a reason. i was just pointing out the abundance of bias/anti-trump over there. I'm a neutral supporter, but I still feel it should be more even-keeled over there. :)

What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and an onion? I'd cry if I cut an onion in half.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are on a sinking boat, who survives ? America

First Pitch or ... One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, ""You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch.""

Why won't Derek Zoolander vote for Hillary Clinton? Because he can't turn left.

In honor of Throwback Thursday, here's a joke from 2008. What will happen if Hillary Clinton becomes president? She will file for divorce. And what will happen if Barack Obama becomes president? He'll have the White House repainted.