Herman Jokes

Yesterday, Bill Clinton endorsed Newt Gingrich's immigration policy Today he's endorsing Herman Cain's domestic policy.

Helga Adams takes her next door neighbor to court for defamation She tells the judge ""my neighbor Herman Franklin repeatedly calls me a fat pig to my guests when they come over."" ""Herman, is this true? ""Yes your honor. I detest that fat pig that lives next door to me. She is a spoiled rotten princess of a fat pig who..."" ""Alright, alright. I've heard enough from you. Mrs. Adams. I award $1,000 in punitive damages from Mr. Franklin. Furthermore, Mr. Franklin I'm issuing a court order to cea…

Once upon a time, two race horses were born... This is long, but worth it. Their names were Herman and Berman and they were twins. Herman was born just slightly before Berman. Herman and Berman were colts of average work horses and were to work the fields everyday. One day Herman and Berman decide to have a race. Everyday at noon, the lunch bell goes off, so Herman and Berman agree that the bell will signal go. The first horse to circle the farm wins. So, the next day, right before noon, Herman …

A woman found out her husband was cheating on her. ""Herman, I can't believe you did this. Why?"" ""Well, my name **is** Herman, not Yourman.""

An Old Man Gets An Urgent Phone Call From His Wife While Driving Home A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home. ""Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90. Please be careful!"" Herman replied, ""It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!""

Why did Pee-wee Herman cross the road? He was choking the chicken.

A man with no arms is looking for a new job in the newspaper when he comes across an ad for a Bell-Ringer at the local church. The next day we went down to the church and the doors were closed. So he banged on the door using his head to get the attention of the priest. The priest answers, ""Yes sir, can I help you?"" The man replies, ""I'm here for the bell-ringer job posted in the newspaper."" The priest looking befuddled asks, ""how do you intend on ringing the bell with no arms?"" The man rep…

Did you hear about the guy that got shot in the back of the head in a movie theater? He was sitting in front of pee wee herman.

A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day. A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office. ""What happened to you? the officer asks. ""A gang of snails beat me up,"" Herman replied. ""Can you describe what they looked like?"" ""I don't know,"" the sloth says. ""It all happened so fast.""

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway his car phone rang. Answering he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him ""Herman I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"" ""Hell"" said Herman ""It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!""

An old woman called her husband during his drive home Herman

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home. ""Herman

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home. "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!" Herman said, "It's not just one car. There’s hundreds of them!"