First Mate Jokes

The cruise ship captain (oc) A cruise ship captain was waiting to set sail, but didn't have as many people on board as he needed to make it worth while, so he got an idea, he would go to the boardwalk, and offer people half price for tickets. He got a couple of takers, but not enough. Then he got another idea, he would offer half price tickets, and free food! Again, he was able to spark the interest of a few more people, but he still needed to fill a couple more rooms. As he was brainstorming, h…

The first mate on a pirate ship sees the captain with a wheel in his pants... The first mate asks why the helm is there and the captain replies, ""Yar, it's drivin' me nuts.""

Captain and his red shirt A newly appointed captain on a ship is standing on the deck, when a call comes out 'An enemy ship is approaching!' The captain calmly turns to his first mate and says 'Bring me my red shirt.' They're victorious and after the battle some of the crew ask the captain why he asked for his red shirt; he says that in a red shirt his wounds won't be seen by the crew in combat, and help their morale. A few weeks later the captain is standing on deck when the call comes down tha…

The Captain's Pants The Captain of a ship was standing on deck when his lookout called down ""Captain! I see 1 ship on the horizon!"" The Captain prepared the crew for battle and called to his first mate ""Bring me my red pants! If I get hit I don't want my men to know! I want them to keep fighting!"" The battle was long and hard won by the captain and his men. They were standing on the damaged deck when the look out called down ""Captain! I see 10 ships on the horizon!"" The Captain turned to h…

The captain's red shirt Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, ""Bring me my red shirt!"". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that ther…

Lost at Sea The crew of a spanish galleon has been stranded in the arctic for days after an unsuccessful voyage, quickly running out of supplies. The captain instructs his first mate to climb the ship's mast to try to find anything useful in the distance. He shouts up to the first mate ""Carlos! Is there no hope my friend?"" After a little while, Carlos shouts back down, dejectedly: ""Ay si! All I see is all icy!""

An admiral and his fleet are out at sea during war An admiral at the head of his fleet is scanning the horizon for the enemy ships he's looking to destroy. Seeing them crest the horizon, he tells his first mate, ""Bring me my red shirt."" ""Why, Sir?"" ""If I am wounded in the fight, and the men see me bleeding, they may lose heart. If I wear my red shirt into battle, that cannot happen. Now, bring me my red shirt!"" ""Yes, sir!"" The Admiral continues to scan the horizon, and sees there are in …

Pirate captian and his clothes One day at sea, pirates are sailing and one pirate in the crows nest yells ""enemy ship on the horizan!"" The first mate walks up to the captian and asks ""cap'in, what you want me ta do?"" Captian replies ""bring me my red shirt"". The battle lasts for a good 30 minutes to an hour. After the battle, the pirates stand tall. First mate walks up to the captian and asks ""cap'in, why did you want your red shirt"" he says ""for if i were hurt, my men would not notice m…

Captain Bravo Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, ''Hand me my red shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates. Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The capt…

The Tax Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhands and sent an agent to investigate him. AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them. Boat Owner: ""Well, there's Tom, my first-mate, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus 1/5 of the catch."" Boat Owner: And, there's Bob, the deckhand, he's been with me for a year. I pay him $300 a week plus 1/5 of the catch. Boat Owner: Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He work…

A joke for pirate day. A pirate ship's first mate comes up to the deck to find the ship's (steering) wheel missing. The first mate rushes to the captain of the ship, only to find the wheel in his pants. The first mate asks, ""Captain, did you know the ship's wheel is in your pants?"" ""Aaarrrh,"" the pirate captain replied. ""I know, it's driving me nuts!""

Butt Pirates I pirate captain was walking around his ship with the ships steering wheel shoved up his ass. This confused the first mate, so he went and asked the captain why the ships steering wheel was sticking out of his ass. The captain replied: ""Argghhh matie!...It's driving me nuts.""

A Pirate Captain Spots a Naval Ship On The Horizon ... He turns to his first mate and says ""Get me my red shirt!"". The first mate asks why and the captain replies, ""If I get injured in battle I wouldn't want my crew to worry about me"". The first mate nods and fetches the shirt. The pirates engage the naval ship but soon discover it was a the flagship of a much larger naval fleet that was heading in their direction. The captain turns to his first mate and says ""Fetch me my brown pants!""

The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a ""little"" stowed away rum. Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship's log: ""The first mate was drunk today."" ""Captain please don't let that stay in the log,"" the mate said. ""This could add months or years to my becoming a captain myself."" ""Is it true?"" asked the captain, already knowing the answer…

Pirate captain and his clothing This Pirate Captain is sailing his boat when he sees a merchant ship he wishes to raid. He know a battle will ensue so he tells his first mate, ""First mate, fetch me my red shirt."" The first mate gives a funny look, fetches the shirt then asks, ""Sir, tell me, why a red shirt?"" The captain replies, ""For morale. When the battle ensues people will be hurt. So, if I am hurt and bleed, my blood will be concealed by the shirt so the crew's morale will not be lowere…

A pirate captain stands on the bow of his ship... and he sees an enemy ship on the horizon. He calls to his first mate ""Bring me my red shirt."" A tremendous battle ensues in which the pirate captain is victorious. His curious first mate asks him ""Captain, why did you wear your red shirt into battle?"" To which the captain responds ""Because that way if I were wounded the blood would not be noticeable and the men would fight on."" The first mate was impressed, until the next day when the capta…

What did the Navy battleship captain say to his first mate during a skirmish? [OC] I think I'm feeling C6

Pirate Joke While out at sea, a first mate runs to the captain and saying ""Captain! There are ten enemy ships on the horizon!"" The Captain responds ""Aye! Bring me my red shirt."" The Captain puts the shirt on and battle ensues. After a few hours, they emerge from the fight victorious. The first mate asks ""Why did you need your red shirt?"" The captain replies ""Because if i was wounded in battle, the crew wouldn't notice and would continue without me."" A few weeks later, the first mate runs…

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, ""Bring me my red shirt!"" The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate ship. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels about to attack. T…

A Sea Captain looks through his telescope and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt". "But why, Captain?" the Mate says. "If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed". The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again: "Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants".

A Pirates life for me... A first mate says to his captain "sir i have the yearn in me loins, and we haven't made port in weeks what do i do" Captain : "I too have this problem , and have a solution!. when ever ye feel the need, place your self in this hole in the barrel, except on Wednesdays never on Wednesdays" 1st.Mate: "that's a great plan sir, but why not Wednesdays is that when we clean it out?" Captain:"no you slimy dog Wednesdays is your turn in the barrel"

A sea captain and his seamen... Were out protecting the coast from pirates. As they were sailing, they spot one pirate ship. The captain yells to his seaman "Everyone prepare for battle" and he calls for first mate and says "First mate, bring me my red coat" The first mate brings the red coat and they beat the pirate ship. The next day two pirate ships are spotted. The captain yells out again "Everyone prepare for battle! First mate bring me my red coat!" They fight the pirates and win but…

A schoolteacher quits his job to become a pirate... In 18th century America, a schoolteacher decides that he's sick and tired of teaching spelling and grammar to children all day. So he quits his job, sells his house, and plans to become a pirate. He goes down the harbor to buy a boat and hire a crew. Once his crew is ready, they head out onto the high seas, with the captain/former teacher at the helm. As they sail, they spy a merchant ship on the horizon and start chasing it. As they catch u…

The Tax Office The Tax Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhands and sent an agent to investigate him. AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them. Boat Owner: "Well, there's Tom, my first-mate, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus 1/5 of the catch." Boat Owner: And, there's Bob, the deckhand, he's been with me for a year. I pay him $300 a week plus 1/5 of the catch. Boat Owner: Then there's the mentally c…

A pirate ship is voyaging at sea. First mate: Captain there is an enemy ship on the horizon preparing for battle! Captain: Bring me my red shirt! The two ships got to battle and the enemy ship ends up being destroyed. First mate: Captain why did you ask me to bring you a red shirt before the battle? Captain: Well, if I were to get shot during battle, the red shirt would disguise the blood and you would continue with the battle. First mate: Wow, that is very honorable. Captain there are …