Einstein Jokes

Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius... I've been using money.

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking. ""I have an idea, boss,"" his chauffeur said. ""I've heard you give this speech so many times, I'll bet I could give it for you."" Einstein laughed loudly and said, ""Why …

These are the only ten times in history the ""F"" word has been acceptable for use... 10. ""What the @#$% was that?"" -Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 9. ""Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?"" -Custer, 1877 8. ""Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that."" -Einstein, 1938 7. ""It does so @#$%ing look like her!"" -Picasso, 1926 6. ""How the @#$% did you work that out?"" -Pythagoras, 126 BC 5. ""You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?"" -Michelangelo,1566 4. ""Where the @#$% are we?"" -Amelia Ear…

Speechmaking When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking. "I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein laug…

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are hanging out one afternoon. Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. I'll be it!" The others agree, so Einstein begins counting. "One... Two... Three..." Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide. But Newton merely takes out a piece of chalk and draws a 1 meter x 1 meter square. He finishes and steps into the square just as Einstein shouts, "Ready or not -- here I come!" Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing rig…

Einstein, Heisenberg, Pascal and Newton are playing hide and seek... ...Einstein covers his eyes and begins counting. While Heisenberg and Pascal run off and hide, Newton takes out some chalk and marks a square on the ground with a side length of exactly 1 meter, then sits down inside the square. When Einstein is finished counting and sees Newton sitting on the ground, he yells, "Ha, I've found you, Newton!". Newton however replies, "No you haven't! You've found Pascal! (ɹǝʇǝɯ ǝɹɐnbs ɹǝd uoʇʍ…

Einstein, Picasso and George W. Bush stand before the Pearly Gates Einstein, Picasso and Bush stand before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter gets out to greet them and says: "I'll let you in, but first you have to prove that you are who you say you are." Einstein: "That's easy. Could you give me a blackboard and some chalk, please?" St. Peter snaps his fingers, a blackboard and chalk appear, and Einstein writes a few formulas while explaining the theory of relativity. "I believe you, it really is…

One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek... Einstein volunteered to be “It.” As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!

Totally Nerdy Joke: Einstein, Newton, and Pascal playing hide and seek Einstein, Newton, and Pascal are playing hide and seek. It's einstein's turn to count. Pascal runs away and hides under some bushes. Newton draws a large box in the dirt and stands inside it. Einstein finishes counting, sees Newton and declares "Aha! Newton, I found you!" Newton replies "No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal."

Funny Albert Einstein Joke (not mine) An old, funny joke - I think I saw it on reddit a while ago, but haven't seen it in a while - so here it is: When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking. "I ha…

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot. "I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein. "You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!…

Einstein, Newton and Pascal play hide and go seek Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. It's Einstein's turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one metre by one metre square on the ground in front of Einstein and stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims, "Newton! I found you! You're it!" Newton smiles and says, "you didn't find me, you f…

Mr. Bean and Einstein Mr. Bean and Einstein were taking a coffee when Einstein challenges Mr. Bean to a knowledge challenge. **Einstein**: here is the deal, Bean. I'll make you a question. If you don't know the answer you give me 1$. Then you ask me something and if I have no answers for you, I'll give you 1000$ **Mr. Bean**: Fine. Einstein, sure of his upcoming success, proceeds to ask Bean his question. **Einstein**: What's the basic of quantum physics? **Mr. Bean**: ehm... He gives Ein…

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek.lt’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten.Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims “Newton! I found you! You’re it!” Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you…

Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time, too.

What do you get when einstein jacks off???? a stroke of genius!!!!! (its terrible, i know)

Einstein came up with a theory about space... and it was about time too!

Einstein was seated next to a blonde woman in a bus Einstein said "Hey, let's play a game. I'll ask you a question and if you can't answer it, I'll give you $1. After that, it's your turn to ask a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $100" The blonde agreed so Einstein asked "What does c stand for in E=mc^2?" The blonde didn't know the answer so she gave Einstein $1, she then asked "What has 10 legs, can fly, can swim but isn't alive?" Einstein was shocked for it was the first t…

One day, Einstein has to give a conference to all the top scientists in the world... One day, Einstein has to give a conference to all the top scientists in the world. On the way there, he tells his driver, that looks a bit like him, "I'm sick of all these conferences, I always say the same things over and over!" The drivers agrees, "You're right, as your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place." "That's …

My Most Favorite When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking. "I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein la…

George Bush dies Albert Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter says to him, "Who are you?" Einstein says, "I'm Albert Einstein." St. Peter says to him, "A lot of people pass through these gates, how can I be sure that you're the real Einstein?" So St. Peter gives him a blackboard, and Einstein draws and proves the amazing theory of relativity. St. Peter is amazed and says, "Go in! You're Einstein!" Many decades later, Pablo Picasso dies and goes to heaven. At the gates,…

I can’t believe it has been more than 100 years since Einstein published his Theory of Relativity. It…seems like only yesterday.

Just found out Einstein married his cousin. He did relativity by day, he did his relative by night

What weapon would Einstein use for battle A e=MC Hammer (Can't touch this)

I can solve a Physics problem faster than Einstein! Because he's been dead for a long time.