Cork Jokes

I found myself in a pub in Cork Ireland.

An old drunk was wandering around an airport terminal with tears streaming down his face. "What's the problem?" asked an airline employee. "I've lost all my luggage," sobbed the drunk. "How did that happen?" "The cork fell out."

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says, "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return, I will grant you three wishes." The man says, "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red …

Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork stuck in your ass?" The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, 'I Tonto, Indian Genie. I grant-um one wish.' And I said, 'No shit.'"

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else... After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the …

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

Bill Gates is at the beach when he discovers a bottle in the surf. He pulls out the cork and a Genie appears. The Genie says, “I have been trapped for 100 years. As a reward you can make a wish.” Gates thinks about it as he carries the bottle back to his beach cottage. Once there, he goes to a bookshelf, pulls out an atlas and turns to a map of theMiddle East. This area has seen conflict and suffering for hundreds of years. What I wish for is peace in the Middle East. The Genie replies, “I don’t…