Chuck Jokes

Chuck, Jean Claude and Arnold. Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, ""If you were a musician, who would you be?"". Chuck Norris said, ""I would be Motzart."" Jean Claud VanDam said, ""I would be Bethoven."" Arnold said, ""I'll be Bach!""

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.' Chuck replied, Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.' The farmer asked, What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer sa…

Right now Chuck Norris' pumpkin is carving itself

3 hungry businessmen Chuck, Kevin, and Dan, were three entrepreneurs, looking at opening a restaurant in a new town. They stopped by a local hole in the wall restaurant to get a taste of the competition. They arrived, and Chuck went to the restroom. The rest of them ordered. The food arrived, and Kevin, and Dan ate. They noticed that Chuck had been in the bathroom for quite some time, and they had already finished their food. Realizing that the menu only had odd varieties of meats to eat, they s…

Chuck gets a flat tire on the way to work.. at work.. Chuck: Got a flat tire on the way in today. Richard: How'd you do that? Chuck: Ran over a milk bottle. Richard: Well didn't you see it? Chuck: Nah, damn kid had it under his coat!

The farmers daughters THE FARMER'S DAUGHTERS PreviousNextThere once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them. As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but …

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs... In the ocean? Bob. At your door? Matt. Being thrown out of a car? Skip. At a baseball game? Chuck. In a meat grinder? Frank. In your mailbox? Bill. On your wall? Arty. On a chalkboard? Drew. In a mug? Joe.

A man's three daughters have their first dates A man has three daughters and they all have dates on the same night. Now he's a protective father so he sets his shotgun by the door in case he thinks they're too shifty. The first guy walks in and says, ""Hey, I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo, is she ready to go?"" The dad thinks, all right, this guy seems okay and lets Flo go out. Second guy comes and says, ""Hey, I'm Freddy, here to pick up Betty, is she ready?"" Dad thinks, okay, this guy seems …

chuck norris's daughter had her virginity stolen:chuck norris stole it back

Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.

Faster than a speeding bullet ...... more powerful than a locomotive ...... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas and you will still die.

Chuck Norris's sweat has burned holes in concrete.

The wind of Chuck Norris's round house kick can be felt from 1600 miles away

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ""Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."" Chuck replied, ""Well, then,just give me my money back."" The farmer said, ""Can't do that. I went and spent it already."" Chuck said, ""Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey."" The farmer asked, ""What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, ""I'm going to raffle him off."" The fa…

There is only one thing that could possibly stop Messi's unstoppable form Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because ""The Sum of All Fears"" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.

Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees...... Celsius.

It's said that if you look directly into Chuck Norris' eyes you can see the beginning and end of all things...... but no one has had the balls to try.

Chuck Norris had AIDS. Then he said, 'Do you not know who I am?' Chuck has been AIDS-free ever since.

The Chuck Norris' action figure has slept with more women than most men.

Chuck Norris' Roundhouse kick is so powerful, that on the set of Sidekicks he single-footedly destroyed Jonathan Brandis' Career.

Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.

There is no Control (Ctrl) button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.