Captain Jokes

Hulk and Captain America watch a movie Once Hulk and Captain America decided they will watch a newly released zombie movie. They watched the movie together. Captain America did not like the movie so after coming out of theater Captain says ""Zombies Suck"" Hulk Replies. No. Vampires Suck. Zombies Bite. HULK SMASH.

Why did Captain Hook cross the road? To get to the second hand shop

A cheerio walks into his boss's office... And he says to his boss, ""Boss, I want to be more delicious than a plain old Cheerio."" The boss shuffles his papers around a bit, and replies. ""Okay, I tell you what. If you go out and work for a year, I'll upgrade you to a Honey Nut Cheerio."" The Cheerio thinks on it, and quickly agrees. He goes out, works as hard as he can for a year, and comes back to his boss very satisfied with his work. His boss happily upgrades him to a Honey Nut Cheerio, but …

Male and Female As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., ""Steady as she goes"" or ""She's listing to starboard, Captain!"") Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow: Five reasons to believe computers are female: 1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other comp…

Are Computers Male or Female? As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., ""Steady as she goes"" or ""She's listing to starboard, Captain!"") Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow: Five reasons to believe computers are female: 1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate w…

What is Captain Picard's favorite Chinese takeout ? Make it Tso!

I be havin' a tale about me parrot! Back when I were just a young sea-dog, I found meself sailin' under the iron grip o' Captain Nobeard. A fearsome pirate, was she, known fer cuttin' down anyone who crossed her! Well, being a new pirate, I figured I'd be needin' a parrot fer me shoulder. Picked one out, did I, in the first port where we made berth. Being that the bird were always spinning in circles - a great lookout, thought I - the name I chose fer him was ""A'turnin."" No sooner had I come b…

What do you call Captain Forte and his sidekick Piano? A dynamic duo! This joke came to me in my delirious state after hours of band camp practices.

Like Captain Ahab, I have my own white whale. But I have no one else to blame, I'm the one who married her.

A brief joke... There's a comic book about a toddler superhero named Captain Underpants. I have the only existing copy of the issue where he meets Wonderbra Woman.

I had a dream about Captain Crunch It was really cereal

What Metallica song does Captain America hate? Trapped Under Ice.

Who was Captain Kangaroo's pedophile side-kick ? Mr. Cream Jeans

Hey billy jokes? Need some more Billy & Highliner Jokes. One is ""Hey billy you ever been to sea"" ""No Captain Highliner but I have been blown ashore""

""Marvel comics to introduce a female Muslim superhero"" Fans are looking forward to seeing Captain America, Iron Man and the Post Box in the next Avengers film.

How do you break concrete in Doctor Who? With a Captain Jackhammer.

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that 'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up , that would be super.' On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a …

The Cheerio Story So everybody knows that there are 3 types of Cheerios in the world. There is the Blueberry Cheerio, the Strawberry Cheerio, and the Honeynut Cheerio. We also know, to date and mate, the Cheerios are limited to only Cheerios of their own kind, ie. Strawberry Cheerios must date and mate with only Strawberry Cheerios and so on and so forth. Our story starts with that of a young male Honeynut Cheerio, let's call him George. Now George is quite the smart guy who has graduated from t…

A Pirate Captain Spots a Naval Ship On The Horizon ... He turns to his first mate and says ""Get me my red shirt!"". The first mate asks why and the captain replies, ""If I get injured in battle I wouldn't want my crew to worry about me"". The first mate nods and fetches the shirt. The pirates engage the naval ship but soon discover it was a the flagship of a much larger naval fleet that was heading in their direction. The captain turns to his first mate and says ""Fetch me my brown pants!""

I made up this joke today to cheer up a friend! As the contaminted beef scandal continues to make headline news, the Food Standard Agency, (FSA), have annouced that DNA testing carried out on Captain Birdseyes Fish Fingers show that up to almost 60% contian seahorse!

Floating in Wreckage Captain Hicks and Private Gains are floating on wreckage material somewhere out in the middle of the ocean. Asks Captain Hicks: Why didn't you tell me the ship had sprung such a leak? Replies Private Gains: Loose lips sink ships.

The No. 1 movie this weekend was ""Captain America: The Winter Soldier,"" which has already made $303 million at the worldwide box office. So in other words, Captain America has more money than regular America.

What is Captain Ahab's favorite reggae band? Bob Marley and The Whalers!

What did Captain Ahab say when he harpooned a whale's tail fin on the first try? ""Well that was a fluke.""

When Captain Picard's sewing machine broke he brought it to the repairman and said... ""make it sew.""