Bar Jokes

A ghost walks into a bar. The bartender says "I feel cold." The ghost lingers for years. The bartender grows despondent, lost.

I had my first PBR and it turns out that the stuff is just beer. It's just beer everyone

This alcohol tastes like there's a sock getting lucky tonight.

alcohol has an odd way of revealing who we really are. turns out, I'm batman.

[last supper] drunk jesus: *swinging baguette wildly* You want a piece of me!?

"No, there's no way!" I totally could "No you couldn't!" *slams the rest of his beer* I can and I will -the first guy to ride an ostrich

Damn girl, are you alcohol? Because I've had too much of you and I'm going to throw up.

"Hustle back on defense you lazy bastard!" screamed the 300 lb guy at the TV in this sports bar eating onion rings at 10:30 AM.

"If you were a spy and having drinks at a spy bar, what would you want?" "I could tell you, bud, I'd have tequila."

Me: I don't know how to ride a horse Whiskey: Yes you do

We're out of duct tape, craft glue, and frozen orange juice because I made a sandwich while I was drunk last night.

License and registration please. "Bears." Excuse me? "Beaaaaars." Are you drunk sir? "BEAAAARS!" Stop saying bea- *cop is mauled by bears*

I've got the "turning beer into pee" routine perfected. Now if I can figure out how to reverse the process then I'll be rich!

I've opened a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.

Give a man a fish, he eats today. Teach a man to fish, he gets drunk in a boat.

Forget Klondike, you should see what I'd do for an open bar.

My boss bought a breathalyzer for our office because everyone comes back from lunch drunk. My personal best is .16

Beer before liquor, alphabetical order

Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk.

The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.

My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.

Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin, it tastes the same but you know it ain't quite right.

I'm such a slave to the man working on a Saturday night. A drunk slave but whatever. Atleast my e-mails to my boss are hilarious now.

If you love someone just tell them. Or get drunk and text them 75 times, that's practically the same thing.

All my scars & bruises tell a story. The story of a guy who falls down A LOT when he's drunk.