Artie Jokes

man tired of his wife Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife and arranging to have her killed. A ""friend of a friend"" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of ""Artie."" Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash o…

Artichokes Tired of constantly being broke, and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife (with himself as the beneficiary), and arranging to have her killed. A ""friend of a friend"" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of ""Artie."" Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, …

A man is plotting to kill his wife He hears about a hitman named Artie who will kill people for cheap. He decides to call this hitman and explain the situation. ""My wife is cheating on me and I want her dead. Kill her boyfriend if he's there too."" They meet up for the pay. Artie says ""Alright, I will do 1 dollar a person, so 2 dollars."" ""Whoa whoa, hold up a moment!"" The man says. ""What if her boyfriend isn't there?"" Artie thinks or a minute and says ""Alright, pay 1 dollar right now. If…

a man put a hit on his wife... and another man named artie takes the job for five dollars later the next morning arties target walks into the supermarket and artie waits patiently for her to come out as she leaves the store artie wraps his hand around her neck and strangles her. while strangling her another man comes out and sees artie so artie strangles that man, and then another woman walks out of the supermarket and artie strangles her. artie is caught by the police after he kills his third v…

Artie wants to join the Mafia So Artie goes to the Mafia and asks if he can join. Big Joe, Head Mafia, replies with,""You must kill a man with a sniper with no hesitations."" Artie takes a big gulp and says, ""I'm on it sir."" He comes back to Big Joe and has proof that he completed his mission. ""Good job Artie! Now you must kill a woman any way you want without any hesitations."" Artie takes a big gulp and says,""I'm on it sir."" Artie comes back with proof that he killed a woman. ""Good job A…

Hitman Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed. A ""friend of a friend"" put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of ""Artie."" Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that am…

Big Artie There once was a Hitman named Big Artie. Things were tough in the Underworld at thew time, what with the Financial Crisis lately and such, the market hasn't been kind to his business. Because of this, he decides that he needs to put down the prices - It's been months since he'd had a job and his family was struggling. He takes the price down to $10 000 a hit to $5 000, but still no-one's coming through the door. He drops it to $1 000, then to $500, $100, $50, $20, $5 and still no-one c…

Murder at Loblaws (My dad threw this one at me the other day) Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was …

A Moldy Oldie Complaining of his marriage for thirty-odd years He highballed his eyeballs, comforting his tears The barkeep asked, what's troubling you son? He poured out his life; I'm finished! I'm done! The woman I married has turned into a nag What I wouldn't give to be rid of that hag Cheer up my friend, I have what you need I know of a man willing to do such a deed Artie's his name, a factory blue collar He enjoys his hobby, charging only a dollar Introducing himself, he sat on a stool Plea…

My Friend Artie My friend Artie and I stopped into a convenience store after a long day at work last week. The line was particularly long, and the clerk was taking his time ringing people up. About ten minutes into the waiting, Artie motions to me to look at the floor, there is a dollar bill laying there. Well, Artie picks up the dollar and just then two old women standing in line behind us start yelling and screaming at Artie that it was their dollar. The situation escalated to where they were …

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decides to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as beneficiary, and arranging to have her killed. A ""friend of a friend"" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure that went by the name of ""Artie."" Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount but he wouldn't have any cash…

Murder at Loblaws (My dad threw this one at me the other day) Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was …

A kid named Arthur is hired... at a supermarket. He preferred Artie

but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.