Zach Galifianakis Jokes

Why the hell are Zach Braff, Zach Galifianakis & Zac Efron not running around Hollywood as the "Zach Pack"??? This needs to happen.

I know it's gross, but the only time it's acceptable to shout 'I have diarrhoea' is when playing scrabble. Because it's worth a shit load of points. - Zach Galifianakis.

That show the amazing race..... Is that about white people? Zach Galifianakis

When is the best time to have diarrhea? During scrabble. Because it's worth a shitload of points. - Zach Galifianakis

A man called over to his neighbour one morning: "That must have been a hell of a party you had last night. Didn't you hear me thumping on the wall?" "No," said the neighbour, "but don't worry about it. We were making a fair bit of noise ourselves." My girlfriend and I went to a dinner party the other night and we ended up playing charades. There was another couple there who were deaf. They were so good. Zach Galifianakis

A mother said to her grown-up daughter: "Honey, I don't want you to think I have diabetes because I'm fat. I have diabetes because it runs in our family." The daughter shook her head in despair. "No, Mom," she replied, "you have diabetes because no one runs in our family." The only time it's cool to yell, 'I have diarrhoea!' is when you're playing Scrabble. Zach Galifianakis

A woman said to her friend: "Whenever I'm down in the dumps I buy myself a dress." "Really?" said the friend. "I've always wondered where you got them." I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'. Demetri Martin You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker. Zach Galifianakis

A young New Yorker called directory inquiries. "Hello, operator," he said, "I would like the telephone number for Jane Jones in Los Angeles." The operator said: "There are multiple listings for Jane Jones in Los Angeles. Do you have a street name?" The young man said: "Well, my friends call me Bone Crusher." I really want to leave New York City, but I just put $6,000 on my Metrocard. Zach Galifianakis