A young New Yorker called directory inquiries. "Hello, operator," he said, "I would like the telephone number for Jane Jones in Los Angeles." The operator said: "There are multiple listings for Jane Jones in Los Angeles. Do you have a street name?" The young man said: "Well, my friends call me Bone Crusher." I really want to leave New York City, but I just put $6,000 on my Metrocard. Zach Galifianakis