Vienna Jokes

A lady is bargaining for a honeymoon package abroad.. Says the agent: ""Check it out maam. 3 nights and 4 days in a cruise to Bahamas, all night party and casino environment with free booze. Just $2000 per couple. Hell of a deal."" The lady: ""Umm. Nice one. But do you have anything cheaper?"" The agent: ""Sure maam. 4 nights and 5 days in Australia. Sea surfing, para gliding, 5 star hotel stay and kangaroo ride as well. Just $1500 per couple. Hell of a deal."" The lady: ""Wow. But still.. do ha…

Why is Donald Trump always biting his fingers? Because they look just like Vienna sausages.

Saudi Arabia about the paris attacks- Lol Saudi Arabia: The ""heinous"" Paris attacks are a violation of all religions and underline the need to intensify efforts against ""terrorism,"" Saudi Arabia's foreign minister said Saturday. ""I wanted to express our condolences to the government and people of France for the heinous terrorist attacks that took place yesterday which are in violation and contravention of all ethics, morals and religions,"" Adel al-Jubeir told reporters in Vienna. ""The kin…

Bethoveen's grave One day, a couple years ago, I decided I would go to Austria as a tourist to see the world before I head off to university. I'm staying in this nice hotel in Vienna and I look out and see a nice meadow out the window that has many people, mostly tourists presumably. I ask the concierge about it and she tells me it's where Bethoveen is buried and attracts many tourists. Not being a fan of large crowds I decide to go out one evening to the graveyard and see the grave for myself. …

A joke told by my racist Grandfather. In the city of Vienna Austria, there was a growing rat population which was causing damage to the community. The mayor or Vienna was stumped on how to exterminate such a large quantity of rats, so he broadcast over the radio, that anyone able to get rid of all the rats, would be rewarded 1 million shillings. Straight away the inventors of the town got to work, and after a week, an old man came forth to the mayor, to show him his invention, the mayor was deli…

You might be a redneck if .... You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table. Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings. You've ever re-used a paper plate. If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side. If you've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table. Your turkey platter is an old hub cap. Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them. Your stuffing's secret ingredient comes from the bait shop. Your only condiment on the dining room table …

Strange music In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens. A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard. Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around t…

Mozart So the year is 1791, and Mozart has just died. It's a big deal in Vienna, everyone is sad blah blah blah blah. A few days after he is buried, someone is walking through the graveyard and hears a strange noise. Intrigued by the noise he follows it until it gets louder, louder, and finally he finds himself standing above Mozart's grave. Naturally this is a matter of curiosity in Vienna, and soon people from all over come to hear this strange sound coming from Mozart's grave. No one can …

Fun fact about composers! Did you know the composers of classical music were the rockstars of their time? It's true! A lot of the showmanship we associate with popular musicians actually originated among classical composers. For example, later in his career, Beethoven was known to start all his orchestra performances by shouting something like "Hello Vienna, how are you doing tonight?!" And of course the crowd would cheer and roar. And then he'd shout "I can't hear you!" And they'd scre…

An American tourist visiting the Austrian capital, Vienna, was walking through a graveyard when he suddenly started hearing music. He finally located the source and discovered that it was coming from the grave of Ludwig van Beethoven. Then he realized that the music he was hearing was the Ninth Symphony and that it was being played backwards. Mystified, he left the graveyard but later persuaded a friend to return with him. By the time the pair had returned to Beethoven's grave, the music had cha…

Love and Romance: 6 weeks: I love U, I love U, I love U 6 months: Of course I love U 6 years: GOD, if I didn’t love U, then why the hell did I propose? Back from Work: 6 weeks: Honey, I’m home 6 months: BACK!! 6 years: What did your mom cook for us today? Gifts: 6 weeks: Honey, I really hope you liked the ring. 6 months: I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living Room. 6 years: Here’s the money. Buy yourself something. Phone Ringing: 6 weeks: Baby, somebody wants you on the ph…