The Bar Jokes

In a small town in America, a person decided to open up his bar business, which was right opposite to a church The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business. Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the bar and it was burnt to the ground. The church folk were rather smug in their outlook after that, till The bar owner sued the ch…

A blind man goes into a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he shouts in a loud voice, ""Oi, barman, you want to hear the best thick blonde joke ever?"" The bar immediately falls deathly quiet. In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, ""Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is fair, given that you are blind, that I should enlighten you on a few points. Number one, the barman' is in fact a blonde lady. Number …

A physicist walks into a bar and he orders a beer and turns to the stool next to him and offers it a beer. He finishes his drink and then leaves. The next day he returns to the bar, orders a beer, and offers a beer to the stool next to him before finishing his drink and leaving. This continues on for a week before the bartender finally asks, "" Why in the world do you keep offering that stool a beer?"" The physicist replies "" The laws of physics dictate that there is a slight possibility that a…

So this guy walks into a bar, sits down and finds a jar full of twenties sitting next to the register. Curious, he asks the bartender, ""So, what's with the jar?"" The bar tender replies, ""That's a contest we have, the rules are simple, you have to put a twenty in the jar, and I will give you a bottle of pepper tequila which you must down in one tilt of the bottle. Then, you go out back where a dog with a sore tooth is chained up, you must pull out the dogs tooth. Last, there is an eighty year …

So this young guy walks into a bar... [ nfsw? ] ... and has a seat in front of a big pot of gold. Growing confused with the large amount of gold that no one's laying a finger on, he calls the bartender over: ""Hey, what's this for?"" says he. ""Prize for the three house challenges."" replies the barkeep. He continues, ""First, you got to arm wrastle McNulty over there [ *points to a muscular, grizzled Irishman posted up in the corner*]. Next, you got to fight McNulty's dog and pull his tooth. La…

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, ""Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet.In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, ""Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb. blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting…

In a small town in America, a person decided to open up his bar business, which was right opposite to a church The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business. Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the bar and it was burnt to the ground. The church folk were rather smug in their outlook after that, till The bar owner sued the chur…

A rough and tough cowboy hitches his horse outside a saloon. Spurs ringing up the stairs, the door swings open and he sits down on a stool. "gimme a beer, bottle of whisky". After he drinks his fair share we walks back out to unhitch his horse. A second later, the swinging doors bust open and a bullet tears through the roof. "All right you sons of bitches! Who's the coward that stole my horse!" The bar fell silent, some ducked under tables. "No one!?" He shouted. "I'm gonna have another beer a…

Ladies Night A blind man enters a bar, not knowing it's ladies night. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls quiet. In a deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde woman. 2. The bouncer is a blonde woman. 3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt …

A man hears beautiful music coming from a bar and walks in. He sees a very very short man playing the piano. He walks to the bar and orders a drink. After listening for a while he asks the bartender "where did you get this piano player?" The bartender says "from a genie." The man laughs and has a few more drinks. He jokingly asks the bartender "so where'd you find a genie?" The bartender says "in the alley out back, his lamp is still out there." The man, pretty drunk now decides he's going to c…

Drink for free A man walks into a bar. The bartender says, How'd you like to drink for free?" The man, obviously interested, replies, "Of course! What do I gotta do?" The bar tender says, "See those pieces of meat hangin' from the ceiling over there? If you can reach up and give 'em a good slap without goin' up on yer toes, or jumpin', or nuthin the drinks are on the house." The man quietly refuses. Shaking his head, he orders a beer and reaches for his wallet. The bartender, stumped, asks the…

Two guys are enjoying a few drinks at a bar Two guys are enjoying a few drinks at a bar. One starts to insult the other one. He screams: - “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells: - “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!” The other says: - “Go home dad you’re drunk.”

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walks into a pub in Dublin. She raises her right arm, revealing a huge hairy armpit. She points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?” The bar goes silent as the patrons try to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an old, owly-eyed drunk slams his hand down on the counter and bellows, “Give the ballerina a drink!” The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down. She turns to the pa…

Blonde Bar A blind man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and relaxes. Later, he yells to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar is now silent. The man next to the blind man says to him, "I don't think you should tell that joke. That bartender is blond, the person sitting next to you is a professional MMA fighter, I'm blonde and I am 6'5'' and weigh 200 pounds, and the bouncer outside is also blonde. Now, do you really want to tell that blonde joke anymore?" The blind man repl…

[Long] A family of four decides city life doesn’t suit their style anymore So they sell their house in the suburbs and buy a dairy-cow ranch. After a week or so, the dad and 2 sons are out mending the fences, when their neighbor comes driving up the road and stops to introduce himself. “How y’all doin? The name’s Al, friends call me Big Al. Are you folks new to the trials and tribulations of ranching?” The father said yes, and the pleasantries continued until Big Al asked if the family ranch …

A Chinese guy walks into a bar with a black bar tender The chinese guy sits down and says ""hey niger get me a jigger."" The bar tender pissed says ""How about you stand behind the bar and i'll walk in and see how you feel."" The chinese guy agrees. So the black guy walks outside then back in and says ""Hey chink i'll have a drink."" The chinese guy replied ""Sorry we don't serve black people here.""

Two guys are enjoying a few drinks at a bar Two guys are enjoying a few drinks at a bar. One starts to insult the other one. He screams: - “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells: - “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you are drunk."

A man in a bar has a couple of beers, and the bartender tells him he owes $4. ”But I paid, don't you remember?” says the customer. ”Okay” says the bartender, “If you said you paid, you did.” The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt. The bar keep replies, “If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it.” Soon the customer goes int…

A blind man enters a Ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6 feet ta…