Sister Mary Jokes

Sister Marry was truly a religious woman... Besides for her duties as a nun, she was also very active in various hospitals visiting sick patients and taking care of all their needs. So it was no surprise that one day when she ran out of gas, the only container she could find to put the gas into was a bedpan. Sister Marry happily walked two blocks to the closest gas station filled up the bedpan with gas and headed back to her car. Luck would have it that as Sister Mary started tipping the gas int…

two nuns at the vatican... so these two nuns are riding a bicycle built for two on their daily trip around the vatican... so one day, sister mary decides to take a different route... sister katherine says ""why, ive never come this way"" to which sister mary relpies ""it's the cobblestones""...

3 Nuns die in a car crash... ...and as they have all dedicated their lives to God, their souls are immediately sent up to heaven, where they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. ""Sisters, I know you are all devout followers of Christ, but unfortunately we have protocol to follow up in here in heaven, and I must first ask each of you a simple question before I can let you enter."" The sisters are somewhat surprised, a little nervous, but agree to answer St. Peter's questions. ""Sister Anne,"" he …

A bus full of nuns crashes... A bus full of nuns crashes and kills everyone inside. Now their spirits are all in line waiting to get into heaven. At the front of the line there is an angel who let's them in. as the first nun in line approaches the angel, he says ""do you have any sins to confess before I let you into heaven?"" the nun replies ""no"", she gets in. The second nun gets to the angel and he asks again ""do you have any sins to confess before I let you into heaven?"" she answers ""Umm…

What part of the body goes to heaven first? In Sunday school, Sister Mary asked the class: ""What part of the body goes to heaven first?"" In the back of the class, nasty Billy waved his hand frantically, but Sister Mary, suspecting a wrong answer, turned to another child. ""Yes, Susan?"" ""The heart goes to heaven first because that's where God's love lives."" ""Excellent,"" said Sister Mary, ""and you, Charlotte?"" ""The soul, Sister Mary, because that's the part that lives beyond death."" ""V…

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. ""Father!"" she cried ""just WAIT until you hear this!"" The priest led the sister to a chair and said "" Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?"" ""Well father"" the nun began ""I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!"" ""A serious infraction indeed!"" said the priest. ""But that's not …

A letter from an Irish mother to her son *This was one of the first forwards I ever got on my old dial up, so forgive me if yous have seen it before.* Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well. You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to sen…

ANOTHER nun sat outside a bar in Ireland... Sipping from a bottle of whiskey, and quite inebriated, when the local Gard walks past. "Sister Mary", he asks "what in God's name are you doing?!" "Not to worry, sergeant. I'm trying to *hic* cure the Mother Superior's constipation." "And how is you being in this state going to help the Mother Superior with her constipation exactly?!" "Cos when she sees me like this", Sister Mary replied, "she'll be shittin a brick!"

An Irish Mother's Letter Dear Son, Just a few lines to let you know that I am still alive. I am writing this slowly because I know that you can't read very fast. You won't know the house when you come home. We've moved. About your father, he has got a lovely new job. He has 500 men under him. He cuts grass at the cemetery. Your sister Mary had a baby this morning. I haven't found out yet if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know if your an aunt or an uncle. I went to the doctors on Thursday …

Sister Mary and Sister Francis are riding their bikes from the vestibule to the rectory.... Sister Mary says to Sister Francis, "I've never came this way before!" And Sister Francis says "It must be the cobble stone street!"

The Mother Superior of a convent wakes up one morning feeling wonderful. She gets dressed and heads over to have some breakfast. On the way, she encounters Sister Mary. Sister Mary says "Good morning, Mother Superior. Did you sleep on the wrong side of the bed?" The Mother Superior responds "No, I'm feeling very happy this morning." Next, she encounters Sister Rebecca. Sister Rebecca says "Good morning, Mother Superior. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" The Mother Superior answers…

Sister Mary and Sister Francis are riding their bikes from the vestibule to the rectory.... Sister Mary says to Sister Francis