Sir It Jokes

Vin Diesel: Is it fast? Car Salesman: Yes, sir. It is very fast. Vin Diesel: Oh yeah? *leans in close* Is it furious?

Dave has an awesome job Dave was commissioned to drive the Pope to the airport within the hour. Unfortunately, being a new driver, he got lost. ""It's all right, my son. I used to drive these streets in my youth. We'll get there in time."" The Pope took the wheel with Dave sitting in the back seat. He drove like an expert, taking sharp turns easily. The Pope, not wanting to be late for his flight, didn't realize how fast he was going. Soon the red and blue lights flashed behind him. ""It will be…

""Hey! You took my daughter's virginity!"" ""Sorry, sir. It won't happen again.""

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, ""I want my $20 million."" To which the man replied, ""No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."" The Redneck said, ""Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT now! I won it, and I want it."" Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during…

Waiter there's a fly in my soup! Surely not sir. It must be one of those vitamin bees you hear so much about.

""Why are you crying Fred?"" asked the teacher. "" 'Cos my parrot died last night. I washed it in Wisk. . ."" ""Fred"" said the teacher. ""You must have known that Wisk's bad for parrots."" ""Oh it wasn't the Wisk that killed it sir. It was the tumble drier.""

The wire brush One of the few genuinely funny jokes I know that I originally learned in English: During World War I, a British general is visiting an Army hospital. He shakes the hand of one soldier, who is lying in bed. "What's wrong with you, son?" "Gonorrhea, Sir!" "What is the treatment for gonorrhea in the British Army?" "The wire brush, Sir!" "What is your fondest desire?" "To recover and to serve the King and the country, Sir!" The general then turns to another soldier. "What's…

On a limo driver's first day at work... He was commisioned to drive the Pope to the airport within the hour. Unfortunately, being a new driver, he got lost. "It's all right, my son. I used to drive these streets in my youth. We'll get there in time." The Pope took the wheel with the limo driver sitting in the back seat. He drove like an expert, taking sharp turns easily. The Pope, not wanting to be late for his flight, didn't realize how fast he was going. Soon the red and blue lights flashed…

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London... As they went past the Tower of London the cabbie explained what the building was and provided a brief history. Upon hearing that its construction started in 1346 and was completed in 1412, the Texan stated, "Really? A little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!" Next they passed the House of Parliament, and the cabbie again gave a brief history, omitting the construction dates this time. However, being eager t…

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop... ...and asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.” “Certainly.” replies the assistant.“Would you like to listen before you buy it?” "That would be wonderful." says the expert and puts on a pair of headphones. He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant “I'm terribly sorry but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accu…