British Army Jokes

My grandfather was a boxer in the British Army. Which was completely unfair because the enemy had rifles.

John Cleese talks about the terror threat levels of nations The English are concerned about the recent increase in terrorist activities, and have therefore raised their security level from ""miffed"" to ""peeved."" If the threats continue to grow, the security levels may be raised to ""irritated"" or even ""a bit cross."" (The English have not seen ""a bit cross"" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out.) Terrorists have been recategorized from ""tiresome"" to ""a bloody nuisan…

BBC announcement From the BBC - Read by John Cleese. ANNOUNCEMENT The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from ""Miffed"" to ""Peeved."" Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to ""Irritated"" or even ""A Bit Cross."" The English have not been ""A Bit Cross"" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from ""Tiresome"" to ""A Bloody Nuisance."" The la…

The wire brush One of the few genuinely funny jokes I know that I originally learned in English: During World War I, a British general is visiting an Army hospital. He shakes the hand of one soldier, who is lying in bed. "What's wrong with you, son?" "Gonorrhea, Sir!" "What is the treatment for gonorrhea in the British Army?" "The wire brush, Sir!" "What is your fondest desire?" "To recover and to serve the King and the country, Sir!" The general then turns to another soldier. "What's…

Terrorism is a serious issue The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warni…

Terror Alerts - by John Cleese The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" …

A disheveled man is busking on the side of the street in London with a sign that says “Falklands War Veteran” A well-dressed man notices this and feels bad, having himself been a veteran of the British Army. He pities the busker and tells him, “It must be a pity to serve your country and then come home to this. I served in the army, in fact, so I know what it’s like. Maybe this will help you out.” He then gives the man a rather large stack of cash. The busker is overjoyed, and as the well-dres…

A British Army Officer was walking along when he came across a man without any legs or arms sat on the sidewalk with a sign saying, “Falkland War Veteran.” Disgusted at how his country had treated its veterans, he gave the man two $50 notes to which the man replied, “Much as gracias, senor!”