Santa Jokes

*i before e except after c. Unless you're an 8yo heir planning a heist to seize a surveillance sleigh owned by a sheik at a reindeer farm.

It turns out "Flasher" wasn't one of the reindeer and I'm being asked to leave this holiday party.

I saw Kony kissing Santa Claus

The 4 stage of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don't believe in Santa Claus 3. You are Santa Clause 4. You look like Santa Claus

Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them.

*wears reindeer antlers* *innocently smiles* *bats eyelashes* *steals your wallet*

There are 4 stages in life 1)You believe in Santa Claus 2)You don't believe in Santa Claus 3)You are Santa Claus 4)You look like Santa Claus

Dear kids, There is NO Santa Claus. Those presents are from your parents. "With love, WikiLeaks"

I understand why there were reindeer named Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, but how did Vixen earn her name. What is Santa hiding

*Santa's Google search* cheap labor cheap labor not kids magic cheap labor elf for sale bulk labor laws by country north pole group travel

Dear Satan, God never healed my dyslexia so I'm looking for new religion. Please send some pamphlets. And tell Rudolph hey. Love, Me

Kanye West agreed to play Santa Claus under the condition that children had to ask him what he wanted for Christmas.

If a telemarketer calls give the phone to your 3 yr old,and tell them its santa clause.

The year is 2200. All fossil fuels are depleted. Our only source for coal is Santa Claus. Everyone must be naughty for the sake of mankind.

Fact: Canadians are legally allowed to be late for work once a week for 'reindeer related delays.'

If you're pissed off about a non-white Santa Claus then I've got some very bad news for you about Jesus.

NARRATOR: Here we see the gentle reindeer gamboling in the woods... DASHER: [pushing stack of Xmas cookies] Raise NARRATOR: I SAID GAMBOLING

All the toys under the tree Have now gone completely missing You've been hit by You've been struck by Reverse Santa Claus

The story of Rudolph is a great way to let your kid know that bullies will keep torturing him until he's famous, then they'll be his friend.

I bet Taylor Swift still believes in Santa Claus.

#rudolph > .nose { background: red; border-radius: 50%; @include shiny; }

Santa: its snowing Christmas is canceled Put everything in the garbage Elves: no! Rudolph: what if I told you I had a very small red light

"I am Santa Claus." "No you're not." "Yes I am." "Ok." - Miracle on 34th Street in tweet form.

Rudolph's red nose is actually the result of a parasitic infection in his respiratory system. Stay woke.

The life expectancy of reindeer is 8-10 years. We can stop singing about Rudolph now.