Santa Claus Jokes

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he's been down? He keeps a log

Bad Christmas cracker jokes. Where do you find reindeer? It depends on where you leave them! What do reindeer have that no other animals have? Baby reindeer! Knock Knock Who's there? Snow Snow who? Snow business like show business! Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws! What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? Santapplause! Why was Santa little helper depressed? Because he had low elf estee…

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after 3 ho's...

What goes red and white, red and white, red and white? Santa Claus rolling down a hill.

Do you know how we know that Santa Claus is married? Because he only comes once a year! Merry Christmas. P.S. I'm sure this joke has been told somewhere but just in case someone hasn't heard it.

Why we put an angel on top of the Christmas tree: Santa was having a rough Christmas Eve. His elves were on strike. Several reindeer ran away. Mrs. Claus was being bitchier than normal. And, he had to work all night. Without any help, he wrapped up the presents, put them in the sack, and loaded up the sleigh. As he was taking off, the sack got caught on the garage and ripped open. Presents spilled everywhere. While he was picking everything up, an angel showed up. This beautiful, cheery heavenly…

What's the similarity between Santa Claus and your doorbell ringing at 3am? It's your dad.

Santa probably regrets giving coal Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat.

What's the difference between a Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops at 3 ho's

What is the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The Jews go up the chimney.

These need to be written. Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes? A: A piiig. Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh? A: Santa Claus walking backwards.

Barrack Obama, Bernie Sanders, and Santa Claus are standing on a cliff, this cliff is overlooking an urban area in America. Obama and Sanders open their wallets, ready to help the people bellow, while Santa opens his sack. ""I want to make ten people happy"" Obama announces, as he throws $10,000 off of the cliff. Sanders replies: ""I will make one hundred people happy"", and he throws $100,000 off of the cliff. It is now Saint Nick's turn to play. Good old Santa Claus looks around at the people …

Two Brothers In Grandmas House Just before Christmas, two brothers were spending the night at their Grandmas house. At bed time, they knelt down to say their prayers. As they closed their eyes, one boy said in a loud voice, ""Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a Wii, a telescope and a new bike."" His older brother said, ""Why are you shouting? God is not deaf."" ""I know,"" said his brother, ""but Grandma is.""

How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby ? You can feel his presents ...

Santa Claus and a blonde... One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said ""Santa, will you stay with me?"", Santa replied, ""Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."" So she took off her night gown, wearing only a bra and panties, she asked ""Santa, now will you stay with me?"" ""Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to good girls and boys."" She takes off everything and say…

An honest lawyer, a wealthy garbage collector, a teenage girl who's oblivious to what others think of her, and Santa Claus are in an elevator. Who's in the elevator? Only Santa Claus, the other 3 don't exist.

I remember as a child lying in bed and waiting for Santa Claus to come. And how afterwards it would be so silent and awkward as he got dressed to leave.

What's the difference between a Jew and Santa Claus? Santa goes down the chimney

A lady goes to a tattoo parlor and gets a tattoo of a turkey on her left thigh. A week later she gets a tattoo of Santa Claus on her right thigh. The artist asked what's the significance. she replies turkey is for Thanksgiving, Santa is for Christmas. My husband complains there is nothing to eat in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, now he can't complain

Chuck Norris Never get tired of Chuck Norris facts, I would say jokes but I might wake up to a roundhouse to the face... 1. When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital. 2. When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. 3. Michael Jackson could do the Moonwalk on Earth, but Chuck Norris can do the Earthwalk on the moon. 4. Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon or an apple. 5. Human blood types are usually 0+, A+, o…

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Kim Jong-Un? One is an overweight dictator who condones slave labor while claiming to be a spiritual leader of those who believe in him and the other will actually visit Seth Rogen's house this year.

santa claus visits everyone Q: What did Santa Clause say when he came down Lindsay Lohan's chimney and found her spending Christmas Eve with her pals Miley Cyrus and Paris Hilton? A: Ho, ho, ho!

Bill Cosby is like Santa Claus He comes while you're asleep.

Do you know why Santa Claus doesn't have any kids? Because he only gets to come once a year and thats down a chimney.

What is big and red and rolls over in the snow? Santa Claus hit in the balls!