Patricks Jokes

Father Thomas in NYC Father Thomas having just graduated from seminary in Kansas was assigned to St Patrick's in NYC. When he arrived, he was greeted by the Mother Superior, who told him that Pastor Sean was out> The mother superior suggested that Thomas take a walk around NYC and see the sights. As he's walking down the street a rather scantily dressed young lady walks up to him and says ""$25 for a quickie father"", being rather naive and not wanting to offend her he nods and smiles and say…

How to sound Irish on St. Patrick's day Whale Oil Beef Hooked Now say it very fast

A Joke An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real. The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness. 'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled. 'I gave you a sham rock.'

Drunk Irishman Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. 'Damn' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'Damn, 'Damn !' He looks to the doorway and t…

Nice try, St. Patrick's Day, but I don't need a reason to drink.

What do you call people who pretend to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day? Counterfitz

Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? Regular rocks are too heavy.

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "" You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy. Paddy replies, ""OK Mick, I'll be on my way then."" Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. ""Shoite"" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, ""Shoite, Shoite!"" He looks to the doorway and thinks…

What do you call two gay Irishmen? Michael FitzPatrick and Patrick FitzMichael. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

The Best Toast of the Night Patrick O'Reilly hoisted his beer at his regular pub and offered the following toast: "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me lovely wife!" That won him top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and proudly told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." "Aye, did ye now," said Mary. "And what was your toast?" Thinking quickly, Patrick said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in…

Patrick was drinking heavily on a Tuesday night at his local pub. He raised his glass and proclaimed, in toast, "here's to spending the rest of me life, layin' in bed next to me wife." The toast was met with raucous cheers and applause. Patrick was given the toast of the night award, given out on every Tuesday at the pub. When he brought the trophy home to his wife Patty she asked him what he said to get the prestigious award. Treading carefully, he replied "Here's to spending the rest of me …

St. Patrick's day vs Martin Luther King Jr. Day. What's the difference between St. Patrick's day and Martin Luther King day? St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish.

What's Irish and sits outside in the summertime? Paddy O'Furniture! (Happy St. Patrick's Day)

An Irishman walks into a bar... An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied the Irishman “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out!” said the Irishman. An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on…

Irish Jokes Megathread Post all of your Irish, St. Patrick's Day, or good ol' Emerald Isle jokes for the day here! I'd like to share some with coworkers.

What's green and sits on the porch? Paddy O'Furniture. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Patrick's School Mother: "How was school today Patrick?" Patrick: "It was great mom! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Wow, they do really fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"

On St. Patrick's day, someone came up to me and said "I don't like everyone appropriating my culture on this day" I said "Why? Are you Irish?" He said "No, I'm an alcoholic"

What's the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patrick's Day? On St. Patrick's Day

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick

[NSFW] An Irish man went to confession in St Patrick's Catholic Church. 'Father'

In honour of St. Patrick's day I present one of my best irish jokes.

Patrick's School Mother: ""How was school today Patrick?"

Know the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? On St. Patrick's Day everyone wants to be Irish.

St. Patrick's day vs Martin Luther King Jr. Day. What's the difference between St. Patrick's day and Martin Luther King day?