Driving Jokes

guy: hey that's a great truck. what kinda engine? me: [rubbing the hood] it's got a truck engine

Have you ever heard someone honking so aggressively & for so long that you're like "this was never about the traffic, was it, buddy?"

For weeks I thought my neighbor was keeping his car under one of those car covers. As it turns out, it was just his old car's ghost.

Made a to/ too mistake, and am starting the car with the garage doors down.

Prank: if you're standing at a busy intersection light beside a guy staring at his phone take 2 steps forward & see if he walks into traffic

Once, I got pulled over because a cop thought my car was on fire but really it was just my hair flying out the sunroof.

It's been a horrible morning so far. My ex got run over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver :(

Dear yellow traffic light, Challenge accepted. Sincerely, a driver ready to get home

Yes, lady who took two parking spaces. I'm the reason you can't get in your car from the drivers side. Have a nice day :)

*queen points out window* "what's that flashing out the window?" "Lightning, My Queen" *car busts thru window* DID I HEAR LIGHTNING McQUEEN

HI I SPIT GUM OUT OF MY CAR ON THE FREEWAY AND IT BLEW BACK IN MY EAR 911: Sir, u need to pull over WHAT 911: Use your other ear, sir WHAT

Commercial for elbows: A frustrated man steers his car with totally straight arms. "Why did I go with the cheap arms?!" Narrator: "Elbows"

My mom asked if my kids are driving me to drink with the snow days. Told her I've been drinking at home, stupid kids can't reach the pedals.

Just saw a car with "Just Married" on the back window. Do people still do that? Get married, I mean..

I always wear running shoes while driving because you won't know what the terrain will be like until after the cop pulls you over.

[on game show] Choose a door for a goat or a new car "I'll take door #2" You've won the car! *sees it's a Kia* "Can I have the goat instead"

BOSS: There's limited parking at the event so we are going to carpool ME (pulling a pair of floaties out of my desk drawer): oh hell yeah

A real ice cream truck would have melted by now.

If I hear a bang when I'm driving I just assume I broke the sound barrier. Not sure where all these dents are coming from though.

If the picture you took of the bad weather while driving isn't followed by a picture of your car crash then it wasn't that bad.

I saw a guy with antlers on his car, so I shot it.

Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.

I blame movies for giving me unrealistic expectations about how long I can look away from the road while driving.

You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.

I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic