Catholic Church Jokes

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church enters a confessional booth

What does the head of the Catholic Church used to buy goods online? Papal

Confession A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confessional booth and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention

A drunken man staggers into a Catholic Church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak, and finally the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate - there's no paper in this one either!!"

What is the Catholic Church giving up for Lent? Answer: The Pope!

Did you hear Tarantino is making a documentary about the Catholic Church? It's called Pulpit Fiction

How do Catholic church priests stay healthy? They exorcise.

How does the Catholic Church make their holy water? They boil the hell out of it.

Why did the Catholic church decide to abandon science? Light stopped having mass

Whats the difference between a coal mining company and the Catholic Church? A coal mining company puts miners in shafts not the other way around.......

What do you call hundreds of crows at a Catholic church? A mass murder.

Two women were talking about their experiences of the Catholic Church. One said: "We had a lovely parish priest, Father O'Hara, and because of his compassion and sincerity, I have remained a committed Catholic." "You've been lucky," said the other. "When my brother was younger, a priest bent him over the altar and took him from behind. The priest called it 'the will of God' but we call it 'the wedding we'll never forget'." God must be in prison, because that's where everyone finds him. Robert Ha…

A man was struck by a bus on a busy city street. As he lay dying, a crowd gathered around him. "A priest! Somebody fetch me a priest!" gasped the dying man. A policeman checked the crowd, but there was no priest, minister or man of God of any kind. "A priest, please!" the dying man repeated. Then out of the crowd stepped a little old man. "Officer," he said, "I'm not a priest, I'm not even a Catholic, but for the past forty-two years I have lived behind St Mary's Catholic Church, and every night…

A drunk staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the confession box and said nothing. The bewildered priest coughed to attract his attention, but still the drunk remained silent. The priest then knocked on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. "No use knocking, pal," said the drunk. "There's no paper in this one either."

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either."

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto , they have weekly husband's marriage seminars. At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years. Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!" The…