California Jokes

What happens when the fog clears in California? UCLA

I have the solution to the drought in California Just let all the ladies hear my mixtape

""Fifty Bucks is Fifty Bucks"" reminded me of this one. A man and his wife were driving from New York to California. Along the way the wife would find every little thing wrong with her husband's driving.

Why doesn't Connecticut have a name for it people?,"What I mean is that people from NY are New Yorkers, people from California are Californian and coincidentally people from Colorado and Washington are Potheads.

Did you hear that actress from Legally Blonde was stabbed?,"Me: Yeah. She was stabbed in California in broad day light. The one from legally blonde. Reese....Something.... with-er... um...with-uh... ..ummm... Friend: Witherspoon? Me: No. With a knife.

What do California zombies eat? Graaaiiins.

Why is it so expensive to divorce a woman here in California? Because it's worth it.

What do you get when you mix gangsta rap and relational aesthetics? Albums released through California penal records.

Why is Reggae so popular in Utah right now? Because it was popular in California 10 years ago.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger become after he resigned as Governor of California? An ex-terminator.

What kind of cigarettes do California kids smoke? Yours.

Did you hear about the impoverished farmers who drove from Oklahoma to California? They went on a Joad Trip.

What Did Delaware? -She wore her New Jersey! Why did California? -She called to ask Hawaii. Where did Chicago? -The same place Oregon Where has Oregon? I don't know but Alaska. She said she went to pay her Texas. What did Missisip? She sipped a Minnesota. What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas How did Wisconsin? He robbed an Oklahoma using a Kentucky.

Whose fault is it that California always has earthquakes? San Andreas fault.

Why does California have more lawyers and New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps? New Jersey got to choose first

Why doesn't Connecticut have a name for it people? What I mean is that people from NY are New Yorkers, people from California are Californian, and coincidentally people from Colorado and Washington are Potheads.

Did you hear that actress from Legally Blonde was stabbed? Me: Yeah. She was stabbed in California, in broad day light. The one from legally blonde. Reese....Something.... with-er... um...with-uh... ..ummm... Friend: Witherspoon? Me: No. With a knife.

What two places can you find a California roll? Sushi bars and stop signs. Source: am southern Oregonian; lots of bad Cali drivers here

Why did the blonde move to California? To be a star on Broadway Creds to That 70's Show S04 E6

What do you call a knuckle sandwich in California? A fist taco.

Does your state have less water than California? Drought it.

What did the former governor of California say after he helped the old lady cross the street? I'm Arnold to assist you.

Why ya going to the airport? : "Why ya going to the airport? Flying Somewhere?" : "How'd you guess?" : "Well, I saw your luggage, then when I saw the airplane ticket I put two and two together. So where you headed?" : "Aspen." : "Mmm, California.. Beautiful."

There is white wine and red wine. Have you heard of the new black wine coming out of California? When you open it you hear whhhy do iiii have to get a job. (Whiney voice) also I stole this joke!!!! If he shows up and claims it that's fine but I won't credit it to him cause you know racist.

Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50? Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California.